I haven't really thought about him for the whole of this week.

Well, i have thought about him a little...but i've not wanted to go see him.

When i was there last week, and we slept together again, i think that maybe i realised something.

Or i'm just realising that something now.

I care about him, immensely, it's true.

But he really really isn't my Mr Right...and i don't think he's my Mr Right-Now either. And i don't mind as much as i thought i did.

I'm going to try my hardest to get us on to a platonic level...without us having to forego seeing each other.

But it strikes me that it wouldn't be the end of the world if i couldn't see him for a while.

And i sort of feel liberated...having thought these thoughts.

I remembered today, some of the good things about being in a relationship, some of the things that made it all worth it.

I want that again, not right now, but some day. Maybe soon.

And me and him, we wouldn't ever be able to have that, we have something else, something that's not good enough to be that. But i guess it's special in it's own right.

And i remembered that i love my best friend very much. She's not like me at all really, and we have many disagreements, but i'm so happy to have her there.

No matter what, i can always turn to her, and she'll always be there.

Even when i'm having my crazy anger fits or i'm stubbornly upset.

There'll always be someone there for me outside my family.

I've been reading old school reports and four of the things i repeatedly read have stuck with me.

Firstly, that i have a lovely french accent when i take it upon myself to speak it...i really should make an effort to refresh my learning of that language...it is rather romantic to be sure, and i do love France, i just need to stop quitting at the first sign of a hurdle.

Secondly, that i become very upset when involved in arguments, that although i enjoy fighting my corner and will stand up for any injustices, i am all too easily hurt by the people i trust when involved in disputes. I musn't take it to heart so much, but they do say old habits die hard.

Thirdly, that i find it difficult to tolerate other people. I found this one rather humourous, to an extent, probably because it's so very true. I should try more, to not think my opinion is the only one worth having.

Fourthly, that i have a bubbly and bright personality, i think perhaps i should remind myself of this more often, i am not all doom and gloom and shouldn't waste my time thinking it.

It strikes me that i'm a very easy person to like, until you really get to know me, and then it becomes difficult.

I wish it were the other way around.