I promised myself i wouldn't compromise writing down how i felt again. It's become that important.

But there's just been so much going on.

I'm used to my life moving at the speed of light when i actually do something with myself. But occasionally it's really something else.

Where to start?

Well my plans have totally become scuppered. For a variety of reasons, but mainly because my bitch of a supervisor is kicking up a fuss about me being sighted on the trains.

She obviously has no life and her sole ambition is to get me in trouble.

Alas, i do still have some friends at work and their plans have been overheard.

This is to catch me out by 'shadowing' me when i get the train to college.

So i can't get the train to college anymore.

Which means driving all that way six days a week.

Totally time consuming and a big waste of money.

So aside from the fact this has totally pissed me off, it has given me ammo for the doctors tomorrow, talk about added stress.

But it also means i'm going to have to move home.

An absolute pain but there really is nothing to be done about it.

I can't afford to stay where i am and it makes so much more sense to move to St Albans or even Hatfield (a free bus runs from there that Sinead gets on).

I'm a bit worried. Actually make that a lot worried.

My future has never been so uncertain in so many ways.

I've always opted for stability and routine.

Now everything is up in arms and i still feel the happiest i have in a long time.

Hunting for a room shouldn't be too hard. Especially when the choice is between two towns.

It also means that i can sell my car earlier if needs be, but i'm still holding out on that as a last resort cause i want to do this travelling next summer so badly.

I've been scraping my brains for any money making schemes.

I joined Avon, which i think i already spoke about, and my first order is enough to make a small profit....�30 or there about.

I'm placing it tomorrow and as an experiment, i'm buying a load of reduced stuff with the aim of selling it on ebay for a profit. With Christmas coming up it'l mostly be gift stuff.

If it works out well then i'll do it every month.

And i'm going to make sure i order a bunch more catalogues with the express aim of bringing in more orders from the people i don't know, which hasn't happened as of yet.

I've signed up to be a mystery shopper, so when i have some spare time i'll look over those websites for some work. Any extra helps basically.

I'm going to ring the providers of ALG tomorrow, my forms are all filled out but my pay is going to be less than last years and i'll need to speak to them about it. But if i get the full amount then that's �120 a month.

I'm thinking of signing up to be a tutor for primary school children but i'm not sure i'd get any work.

I guess it's all worth trying though. They earn good money and you don't officially need any qualifications.

But i don't have any intentions of going back to work at the train station.

My first doctors appointment wasn't very fun.

I cried and cried and talked my little heart out. He signed me off for ten days as a preliminary break and i have another appointment tomorrow to see how i'm getting on.

Nothing's changed so i'm just hoping he'l sign me off again for longer.

I'm just going to have to keep playing it by ear in this regard. Keep going back to see the same or different doctors.

Hopefully it won't be too hard and i'll get the time off until after new year. If i'm really invested, even if it means seeing a counsellor and being prescribed meds, i'm hoping it'll be until March time as then i'll only have three months to worry about.

In those three months i'll have to undertake a part time job - but at least my classes will have lessened and it shouldn't be so bad.

If it all comes together, along with reductions in my spending on petrol, food and pretty much everything, then i should still get stuff paid off and be able to use my car money for travelling.

I'm telling Mark that i can't afford to give him any money. I don't really care how funny he gets with me really, it's not like i'll be seeing him again anytime soon...and that's �50 i don't have to worry about dishing out each month.

He wanted that house so he can pay for it.

My mum knows about it so hopefully she'l be pretty understanding if i need to borrow any money.

Everyone has been so supportive so far and i'm really grateful for that.

But i am working hard at this so it's a welcome reprieve.

They don't deserve to have me working there and i deserve a better job than that awful one.

It hits me sometimes. That i have actually found my escape, so much sooner than i thought aswell.

I'll have to try and organise my leave with them so i don't lose out on it, but that doesn't need thinking about until next year.

I've volunteered at the library for the library link service where you deliver books to elderly and disabled people who can't get out of the house themselves.

It'll be nice to do something different and it's an added bonus on my CV and Uni application.

I'm waiting to hear back from them and get my CRB check done.

I'm now a member of the reading group. In actual fact it's just me, Sinead and the lady Ruth who does the whole thing.

But we all love books and we chose our six books between us. All things i haven't read before and will improve my reading habits.

First up is Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. We have a month to read it and then we meet up to discuss it.

I started reading to see what it was like and she's so descriptive and different to anything i've read before that this should be really quite fun.

I really have so much more to say, but i'm tired and i want to relax a bit tonight with all the programmes i downloaded to catch up.

Like my friends new and old and discoveries i've made, travelling plans that have got so much funner, Dehav and studying there, my cousin and seeing her for the first time in 12 years, my sister and my epiphany, Nika and Lorna and those comfortable arrangements, Howie's visit, everything i've done in the past few weeks and how it's all made me feel.

I don't have college tomorrow cause our teacher's got to do some training thing, so aside from sorting out my avon order and the doctors i have a free day.

I'm hoping to get some stuff on ebay, give my landlord my notice and organise my college folders.

Then i'll make sure i come back on here to blather on about everything else thats inside my head begging to escape.

Writing it all down does help me look at it all from a practical point of view.

Always useful.

Ciao for now.