Sometimes shit doesn't just appear out of nowhere - it comes from everywhere.

Any direction you thought you were safe. Think again. You're not.

I need to come up with �335...out of thin air it seems.

Ma can't lend it to me - she's in enough shit of her own.

But at least she didn't have a go.

She was upset for me, but she didn't sound all exasperated like she usually does.

I love the tone she gets where i can practically see her shaking her head, muttering 'Just like her dad.'

She just told me to try and get a crisis loan and that she'd ring me tomorrow to check up on me.

I guess our self-healing relationship was one of the good things to come out of my recent troubles.

I have exactly 28p in my bank account and �1 in my pocket.

I managed to buy some milk, cheese and bread - so i think i'm okay food wise.

Thank god i hoard food when i have money to my name. My cupboards are all stocked.

I think i may have around �9 free on a credit card - so this is my emergency food money. Plus, i'm going to raid my piggy bank and see what's in there.

I've just checked my paypal and there's �8.45 on there - so i'll transfer that to my account.

I desperately need to put everything i have to get rid of on ebay.

I also desperately need to do my college work.

I started writing my History last night.

I only wrote what i could remember off the top of my head and it sounded okay to me.

Then i remembered i'm supposed to add a ton of historian's quotes.

So 300 or so of the words i've done will be fine, but they need some work - and i wrote in a ton of highlighted words as guidance for what still needs to be written.

I'll get there in the end. I will.

I found some videos to embed on my power point - that seriously needs finishing before friday.

I have an awful feeling she'll pick me as one of the first.

But at least it will be over and done with that way.

I'm going to head to the Citizens Advice Bureau after tutorial tomorrow.

I'll tell them everything and get every scrap of advice i can from them.

Hopefully i'll find a way to sort this mess out.

My phone bill is one of my first priorities.

My rent being the very first.

If i can consolidate my two credit cards with my two store cards and overdraft...and just pay a small amount off each month - that would be fab.

Lorna said it can be done, so i have faith.

Then if i get a doctor's note for the gym, that membership should reduce greatly.

Plus, i'm pretty sure i get my contact lenses and glasses free when i'm on benefits - so that shiz needs sorting out too.

I also need to haul ass for the doctors for my depo. This whole period shiz just isn't working for me.

I'm a moody bitch as it is. I lose all semblance of normalcy once that time of the month makes an appearance.

When i get paid on friday i reckon it's going to amount to around....�50.

Point being; they will have taken the remainder of money owing on my cycle to work scheme. Approximately �220 or so.

Hopefully it'l be enough to pay my phone bill and get a bit of food.

.......................................

I started writing this at 17.09...it's now 20.27.

Distracted or what.

I got my UCAS application back today and made all the necessary adjustments.

I'm happy and i've sent it back to them.

At least i accomplished something today, right?

Chris came home earlier and we were rambling on about Paris and everything you can do there.

Hence the distraction.

He's actually a pretty sweet guy. I was laughing and telling him about the hole i've dug myself and dude starts going through his cupboards tryna give me food.

I was like, jeesh i have food, stop!

Then he handed me his phone to make some calls. All like 'my password's blah blah blah.'

Like i said, sweet.

Zowie's not mad at me.

I googled Natwest's bank charges to see if i could figure out the likelihood of getting charged.

She was all like 'Chill - it'l all be cool.'

Simon's just Simon.

He attacked a ticket machine at the station the other day.

Dude has anger issues.

Hmmmmmmm.

I've just had my chicken stir fry. I really need to do some work or something.

As soon as they saw me today, I got swamped in hugs by Shay, Tiv and Nik.

I avoided Jamie like the plague. What a bitch.

I put a shitty status on facebook (remind me not to do that again) and now everyone keeps texting me to see if i'm okay.

I'm always okay. *rolls eyes*

Not like i can text them back anyway. Bleurgh.

You can tell i've had a happy week so far.

Todays status:
Rational Raccoon
wants a plot with a nice view. Let the worms have me.

Yesterdays status:
Rational Raccoon
OMG. Where have my brains gone? Seriously. I can't write for shit. I give up. Fail. Absolute fail.

I'm also a crappy cousin.

When i was round Becky's i was checking out her facebook and i saw this dude.

So i'm all 'Who is this fuck hot specimen of all that is fine in the world?'

And she's all, peering at the screen then glancing at my face, 'That's my ex.'

Way to go you twat. Eye fuck your cousins ex who she clearly hasn't got over yet.

*sighs*

She even asked me if i wanted to go to one of his gigs - he's in a heavy metal band you see.

I declined. Partly because that shit's just mean (on my part). Also because heavy metal gives me a headache.

A really big headache.

Okay okay. I'm going to write out some letters...and i'll take some history work to college with me tomorrow.

I'm sure if i concentrate i can get this done.

Absofuckinlutely.

Hackney. Yeah baby.