Ow. I wrote a whole entry and then my laptop froze.

How annoying.

I'm going to try again now. Jeesh.

So i feel slightly less miserable today.

I must be having an 80's day.

First it was Jaws 4 (don't even ask me why - i just like it) and now it's Back to the Future.

The Breakfast Club so has to be next.

I'm supposed to be proof reading Tivi's History - i sort of am. Slowly.

Her message made me laugh though.

Rach, I've edited like a MO FO, and I still need to get rid of 20 odd words, help me!!!!
I also alphabetised my references by author, is this right??????

Also, I'm not sure if my short essay ref's are correct as I get confused bout what goes in brackets, have a look pleeeeeeease?!

Yes I'm a cheeky bastard, but i promise to verbally cut harry to pieces tomorrow for making u cry, the little cunt!


Much love chica!


tivi xxxxxxx

She picked me up this morning and we drove over to De Hav campus.

We couldn't get her logged onto the Uni's PCs so it was a bit of a bust.

We just propped ourselves up - feet on the radiator - facing the floor to ceiling windows.

Sipping our coffees and talking quietly.

It happened to be just what i needed - in some capacity anyway.

Even if we wasted two hours staring at wooden buildings and trees.

She's one of the only people that hasn't been irritating the pee out of me lately.

I did have to listen to her talking about her impending wedding an awful lot.

Not that he's proposed yet - but Tiv is one of those girls that doesn't wait for a proposal before she starts planning.

Tiffany this and Tiffany that. Platinum blah blah. Emerald cut blah blah.

If she invites me i might just cry.

Maybe not cry...

But i hate weddings and i would really have to go.

I don't really feel much like talking to people today. I did enough of that this morning.

But since i deactivated my facebook account everyone's been texting and emailing me to check i'm still alive.

I'm really glad i'm off there. Temporary or not.

I don't even know why i have a facebook account sometimes.

I spend so much time trying to be extroverted; i forget i'm a total introvert.

Before i went off i wrote out a really shitty status.

Lewis read it and commented 'well said'.

Did i mention i love my little brother to pieces?

I don't know why i decided to watch Jaws. It's funny and everything...but i'm shit scared of sharks.

I can tell i'm going to have a lovely nights sleep.

I'm also scared of Starbucks.

Pathetic, right?

Anytime i want a coffee i dash for the nearest Costa Coffee or Bee Bees.

Starbucks intimidates me.

And earwigs.

Earwigs scare the fuck out of me.

If only i hadn't picked up the pretty peice of bamboo in the park, only to have a bunch of earwigs crawl out on my hand.

I don't think i've ever screamed so hard in my entire life.

I've stopped being such a bitch to Jamie.

Maybe it's because all the creepy late night texts have stopped.

Or maybe...other people pissing me off has put my irritance with him on a back burner.

Either way, it's nice to have my bus buddy back. (yeah i know i said i'd walk but i don't want to)

He was pretty sweet the other night when we stayed studying in the LRC tul 8pm.

When i skipped off to steal drawing pins from the notice boards for my wall, he extended my pc time so my work didn't get lost and offered to proof read it for me when i started my huffing and puffing.

Like i'm going to let someone read my work before they've completely finished theirs. Not a chance.

I delayed my photography course until April..i don't know if i mentioned that or not.

Thank god they still had a space on that one for me to move to.

Not like i can afford my camera right now.

Ummm...what else is new?

I got my email from UCAS saying they're processing my application so i should start hearing back from Unis sooner or later.

I got paid �224! Thank god.

I paid my December phone bill, so they're not likely to cut off my phone again, so long as i pay the other 70 squid i owe them within the next three weeks.

I also paid �135 off the rent. Only �200 to go.

Think i'll put half my JSA money towards it this friday; the other 150 squid can come from ebay. It can be my saving grace.

I got some fresh food in too - i'm a sucker for wanting to cook nice things now. Such a shame.

I haven't bought something microwavable since October...except butter popcorn.

The dryer stopped working so there's clothes hanging all over the house. I tripped over Zowie's duvet cover by the stairs.

I'm blaming Simon. He always breaks things.

Got a meeting at the CAB on Tuesday, aswell as a meeting at the JC.

Not looking forward to either, even if they are for my own good.

Fuck my own good. Get me away from the scary people.

I need to ring Lorna and Nika. I just realllllllly don't want to.

It was okay emailing Tash, Jayne and Ash. 'Cause i don't really have to pay attention when i'm writing - just give them a load of bullshit so they know i'm all cool.

But phoning people? So not fun.

Hmmmmm....empty your head Rach, then you can finish writing allll about industrialisation and the purges.

I got an extension tul monday for my History...a deadline i'm going to force myself to meet.

And my comms presentation isn't due until friday...along with my sociology.

I'm thinking of doing it on an author...maybe Oscar Wilde? I can't decide.

I just need to get it over and done with.

Such a wimp.

Mental note: put people's birthdays on your calendars.

I have two wall calendars. Lorna bought me a Harry Potter one and Lew bought me a Muse one.

I didn't have the heart to give either one away, so they're both up.

Not like i care if my wall is covered with stuff anyway.

My literary Britain map took up what little space i had left.

Hmph. I forgot about three books i ordered off Amazon and they turned up yesterday.

I really need to stop doing that.

I say it like i actually mean a word of it. I don't. I'd like to. But i don't.

Mark text me yesterday - he wants my address so he can send me the documents to take my name off the house and put whatsherface on.

Thank god i won't have to speak to him again after this.

I went through my memory box last night, just putting my birthday cards away.

I had to stop myself from destroying some things. Like letters from my dad and bits from Grams.

This wasn't the best idea when i'm still so angry with people.

I found a bunch of cards and bits from Lisa and other traitorous ex-friends.

They went straight in the bin.

And then i found this picture of me, i must have been about four or five years old.

There's literally a sparkle in my eye.

I look so happy. Seriously happy.

It made me smile. Real big.

*sighs*

Shit. I really need to stop eating shortbread and alternating between watching the tv and writing this.

I'm such a procrastinator.

Nik's tryna get me to come out for the night in a few weeks.

Telling her i have no money totally didn't work.

I hate people buying my drinks for me.

But it's her birthday...what am i supposed to say?

I avoided going hers at New Years. And i avoided Kylie's and Tash's for the same reasons.

I just don't feel like being sociable.

But then again....Nik can get me weed...so maybe i should just go out and let go of the bullshit for one night.

I'm uber paranoid Harry and Chris will be going.

Our argument was really fuckin' awful. Reallllly awful.

Chris stepped back when he realised i was becoming a bit relentless and it was going nowhere.

Harry though...he's something else altogether.

He tried talking to me after Comms on friday...i just looked right through him.

I think he's got the message.

There's some stuff you just don't go back from.

Especially not when you're as angry a person as i am...sometimes.

I ended up crying to Amy - our personal tutor.

What a twat (me not her).

It was one of those moments when you pray someone doesn't see through your mask and ask if you're okay.

And she did...all sweet like. And i just started bawling like a baby.

I hate getting all emotional.

But i can't stand it if someone starts being kind to me.

She listened to everything i had to say...then she wanted to pull Harry and Chris in about their part in it, but i convinced her not to.

She was worried i'd try and quit the course if i got too stressed.

I assured her i wouldn't.

But she said she wouldn't let me anyway, i deserved it and she was going to make sure i got to Uni this year...even if she had to bolt me to my chair.

That made me giggle at least.

It must be hard being a teacher.

Dealing with silly 24 year old women who can't keep their emotions in check.

I tried hanging fairy lights across the top of my wardrobe but they keep falling down and i'm fed up of straining my poor toes by tip toeing to make the blu tac stick.

They can hang by the window instead :-D

Ugh. Right. Enough shit off me today. I'm going to go be a nerd or something.

Purple with cherry cupcakes