I really thought this was going to be the beginning of the end of my rein of maths semi-brilliant-but-nowhere-near-geniusness.

a squared + b squared = c squared
c = squared route of whatever the fuck are you talking about.

I never paid attention when we did this at school.

Fuck my life.

But then i decided to just chill the fuck out and listen to what he was saying.

And who finished the imminent test ten minutes before everyone else did?

Oh yeah baby. I still got it.

And of course he couldn't resist telling me i should have converted the units before the stage i did them at.

Even though i got the answer right.

Stupid old fart is just threatened by my awesomeness.

And the fact i always correct him when he's wrong. Which happens far too often, as far as i'm concerned.

One of these days i'm going to be forced to eat my words...and until that day i'll continue to consider myself a smart alec.

Okay...this entry was interrupted by a call from Tivi asking me to settle a debate she was having with her fella...about the value of pi.

And she calls me a geek.

She put me on speaker phone 'cause she thought my rant about Green Arrow being a superhero was hilarious.

The way i see it...if the dude runs around Star City in a leather costume, with a bow and arrow...then he's a superhero.

Me and CK have agreed to disagree.

Talking of CK...he sent me quite a sweet message, apologising for being a dick lately.

And followed that up by appealing to my very-small-and-practically-non-existant altruistic side, for help in structuring his english essay.

I don't know whether to believe he was sincere, or feel decidedly used.

I'm gunna go with the first one and give him the benefit of the doubt.

I spent two hours re-structuring his essay, then highlighting and making notes on the rest of it.

I've started sending my brother little clues in a game every day via facebook.

Each clue leads to a word and he needs to collect a specific letter from each word in order to understand the secret message.

It's fun. Gotta pass the time somehow, right?

The first word was lazaretto...he needed the L.

I spent ages talking to him and Ma on the phone this evening...i was waiting for the bus back from Becky's and it was super cold.

If i talk while i walk around in circles i don't feel as stupid.

Me and Becky just chilled out in the LRC with marshmallows and fizzy cherry sweets.

I'm becoming addicted to juicy fruit chewing gum again though.

Lord help me.

At least it's not strawberry hubba bubba...that shiz stinks to high heaven.

This sweet lady in the campus shop was all 'Your hair is so gorgeous.'.

And there's me walking around with a smile for the rest of the day.

I always love it when that happens...and people know it.

Probably why half way through a lesson i can feel whoever's next to me pinging my curls.

Ringlets must be irresistable to some people or something.

Sometimes the people serving me in shops ask to touch my hair...i don't have the heart to say 'Seriously? Would you like it if a random stranger just started touching your hair?' but i can't be bothered.

Besides, i enjoy being flattered just as much as the next person.

Maybe more. Who knows.

It's growing out now. I love it when it grows long.

It gets to certain stages where i'm so fed up with it always looking the same; i get a drastic cut the minute i have some dosh.

But i've promised myself to let it grow this time.

If i want a change in appearance, i'll have to wait for it.

Becky decided to start a blog today, and i did too.

I haven't written in it and neither has she...i half don't know what to use it for.

But i couldn't resist.

Maybe i'll just ramble on about the books i've read or something.

It needs to be a good topic and something i'd love to write about.

I'll see.

I didn't realise Becky was back on anti-depressants and seeing a counsellor.

I need to start going over to see her more often - i'm beginning to feel like the shittiest cousin ever.

I told her we need to make Wednesday our day...it's half price at the movies, but if we don't have time for that then we can just study together or something.

I did some more work on History with Mark after Maths...yet again it was just the two of us.

I half feel like telling the other two to design their own powerpoint...only that would require me speaking for twice as long...and that's just not gunna cut it.

I've also come to the realisation that i'm drinking far too much coffee.

Far too much.

No wonder i'm still wide awake at 4am...and peeing every hour until then.

I'm also curious as to whether Swedish people really drink that much coffee?

It was Nicky's birthday today and i thankfully remembered in time to get her some truffles and a card.

It's Adam's birthday in 12 days too, and i'm going to have to scrounge together enough money for a present.

*sighs*

I also need to sort out something to wear for this god damn christening next month...and the money for my train trip to Bedford and Poppie's gift.

Is it appropriate to wear bright red to a christening?

I may just have to recycle my christmas outfit on this occasion.

I'm going to cancel my photography course at college tomorrow.

I'm praying they give me a refund 'cause then i can order my new passport.

And i figure that nearly every local college does evening photography courses; wherever i end up this September, i can just sign up for one when i can afford my beautiful camera.

It absolutely sucks. I was really looking forward to it.

But it's not all over...just postponed i suppose.

Plus it lifts another huge weight off my shoulders.

Once i've sorted out enough money for a trip to Bedford, a few birthday gifts and my passport, the only thing i need to be worried about is some money to spend in Greece.

But i may have started a full time job by then and it'l be sorted.

Worst case, i can borrow a couple of hundred off Grams for some peace of mind.

Now i just gotta focus on surviving, and joining the god damn gym.

Oh and planning a weekend trip to London too.

I'm neglecting so many people right now. I miss having money to burn.

Talking of jobs...i guess i should really enjoy the next two months as much as possible...especially if i wanna somehow work full time for four months afterwards.

I want to save at least �1600 in those four months and then add that to my �485 deposit...giving me �2085 to organise myself with.

By organise i mean - pay Ma �750 for the laptop and spend the other �1335 on long awaited tattoos, piercings, clothing, books and other bits and pieces needed for Uni life. Possibly my camera too.

Make up for all the paupery i've subjected myself to lately.

And maybe a cheap week long trip to Vienna or somewhere near by that i haven't been to before.

The whole road trip shiz is just going to have to wait until next summer...again.

Funny to think in six months this will all be over though...i'll be back at Ma's for a little one month respite before Uni starts up.

Everything has changed so dramatically in the past five months, it makes my head spin if i think about it too much.

But i'm so grateful to all the changes.

I'm not the same person anymore, and i love it.

I'm a constant bundle of excitement and nerves right now.

It's going to be worse when Uni starts. So much worse.

Shay is sleeping over on Thursday so i really gotta remember to get some food in.

My fridge area is looking distinctly bare.

I even ate crab paste on toast for dinner...with malted milk biscuits for dessert.

Ugh. I dunno. Hopeless.

It occured to me today, not for the first time, that i might not be so happy if the people i know read this.

And then i thought...fuck it. If someone who knows me stumbles across this, then it can't do that much damage.

Sure, most people that speak to me daily know fuck all about how i really feel, or what's gone on in my life.

They know what i want them to know and nothing more.

But, i can't bring myself to be bothered about their reactions.

I am, after all, exactly what i am.

Them knowing or not knowing isn't going to change that.