What the hell is this? Two days in a row and I�m awake before 9am. I don�t even feel tired, a little groggy maybe. Though this could be due to the fact I�ve been making myself go to sleep around midnight. It�s been a little hard to fall asleep, what with me being used to dropping off around 4am; I�ve just gradually tried switching my mind off and concentrating on my heart beats. It sounds a little kooky, but it�s been working.

So I was mildly curious about my meds yesterday and I found this really good website that explained them, and depression, in much more detail. I�m ashamed to say I thought depression was primarily about sadness, suicide, or if something really bad happens and you can�t cope, but it�s not really. I didn�t know anything about neurons and neurotransmitters, never mind the job serotonin played. I also couldn�t really understand how I could be depressed when it�s not so much that I feel sad all the time, sort of stressed and overwhelmed. I understand the process now and it�s actually making a lot more sense. It�s all triggered by excess adrenaline use � kind of over working your mind, and by extension, your body. So when I�m having my OCD moments (like nearly every day) or I�m trying to cope with so many different things at once or even when I�m ignoring my body and just doing what I want, I�m triggering it.

So I�ve established a set of rules to try and abide by, in the hopes that eventually I�ll be back to normal�or at least, normal for me. And not just for now, for like forever, �cause I know depression can come and go, so I figure if I try and make a permanent lifestyle change this time then I may not have to worry about it again. I took the rules from the website and adapted them so I know what I�m saying to myself.

So here they are:

1) Avoid major over excitement (this means anger too so don�t be getting all worked up at people). When you feel yourself getting all funny, just take deep breaths. Also, when you can feel yourself worrying, just try to calm down.

2) Get plenty of sleep (this means stop reading that book, it�ll still be there tomorrow). Just switch off.

3) Listen to your body, not your brain (yeah you may wanna do such and such pretty badly, but you�re tired or you�re hungry or you�ve pretty much just had enough for now, so forget about it).

4) Rest after every activity (which means, don�t sit there reading all day �cause it does work your brain, same with college work; give yourself breaks � but that doesn�t mean you lie around half the day either).

5) Don�t hurry yourself (you don�t really do this anyway, but perhaps you should allow yourself more time in the mornings, huh?).

6) Try not to perform multiple activities simultaneously (do you really need the TV on while you read? Do you need to be talking to so many people at once? No. So quit it).

7) Make a conscious effort to do things with pleasure (you manage to enjoy washing up so you can find a way to enjoy everything else too).

8) Practise relaxation exercises (yes this does mean meditation or even lying down outside somewhere, so quit whining and take some time to do nothing).

9) Take appropriate medication (that means one pill every day, at the same time each day; atta girl).

So, I tried the whole taking breaks thing yesterday in order to get some of my history assignment done, and it sort of worked. I kept promising myself I could watch a movie, read a few chapters of my book, or even listen to a new album, if I got certain parts out of the way. I�m about � of the way through now. I�ll finish up tomorrow hopefully.

Right now I need to start getting myself ready to go to Bedford. I was gunna visit Grams but I saw her on Saturday so there�s no need really, and I was also gunna visit Howie, but as per usual I can�t get hold of him and I don�t feel much like turning up on his doorstep.

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