Around 4am yesterday, I woke up with a start. I had one of those dreams merging with reality moments. I don�t remember the specifics, just that there was someone dancing and they stomped their feet three times, and it jolted me awake like someone had really thumped somewhere in the house three times. Only I was on my own.

Maybe I was knocking on my brain, thinking it was time for work. I went back to sleep until 7 and then I had to get up. Though I did pass out around 9pm the night before, so I had a nice long sleep really. My body�s adjusting me thinks.

I spent the day reading, watching Supernatural and being totally and utterly lazy, much like today really. It felt nice though. Around 7pm I rang Howie and we spent nearly six hours on the phone. Totally crazy to think about it now; I don�t think we�ve ever spoken for that long straight, but we did it.

Both of us bored out of our minds and with our houses to ourselves. I really wish I had the money to go and stay the weekend with him. But you can�t have everything, right? We were even sending silly emails to each other whilst on the phone. We totally haven�t grown up yet. *chuckles*

I�m really glad though, that I have a friend like him. I�ve said it before, and I�ll say it again. It amazes me how much we tell each other, it�s like there�s no filter. Every little thought we have, no matter how absurd or retarded or embarrassing, it just comes rushing out and then we�re both laughing or discussing it.

There are few people in this life that I trust completely, and he�s one of them. Though I do still like my privacy sometimes; maybe that�s something that�s just so deeply ingrained in me that it�ll never go away. I think we learn new things about each other every time we spend time together, or talk. But that�s half the fun of being friends with someone really, isn�t it?

I also respect him as a person. There aren�t a lot of people I respect, but I definitely do with him,

He actually said something to me last night that made me smile. Well he said a lot of things that made me smile and laugh, but this in particular. He mentioned that maybe I don�t realise how rare it is, the relationship me and my brother have. How precious it is. I don�t know what it�s like for people that know me and see how we are; I only know how it is for me.

And he�s right. Sometimes I forget; I hear people speak about how they love their family and I think it�s the same thing or close enough. But it really isn�t. Lewis and I have bonds forged through some really horrific times, and what came out of that was an extraordinarily beautiful sibling relationship, which is unique in its own right. I won�t ever have that with someone else. But, no matter what happens in this life, I�m glad I�ve felt that kind of love. Because I know it exists.

I spoke to Zowie about the rent and she was fairly okay, so at least I haven�t got to worry about that. I probably should have at least started my Psychology by now but I�m really not in the right mind frame. I�ve made myself coffee and I�m going to continue reading Sabriel until I feel more up to being productive.

I can�t believe its Lewis�s 17th birthday tomorrow though. Time sure flies. Seventeen years ago I was awaiting the birth of my little brother. Probably completely curious, and a little jealous, as all older siblings are when a new baby comes along.

I just got an image of this photo we have buried somewhere; it�s of me and Lewis lying on Ma�s bed. Him in his little baby grow and me in my pjs � and we match. Little lions and giraffes sprawled across our white and green striped clothing. I wonder how she managed to find them. *smiles*

It will be nice to spend the day with him tomorrow. More than nice.

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