I managed to download the eBook for the long awaited sixth and last book in the Earth's Children series by Jean M.Auel.

And, me being me, i decided to skip to the end and see what happens.

I really wish i hadn't fucking bothered.

Jondalar sleeps with Marona and it makes me want to cry. Now i'm put off reading the book properly - despite the fact i've been waiting years.

It's so retarded that i get this upset over something fictional.

I mean, i know it all works out okay in the end and they promise to be with nobody but each other. And i also fully realise that he didn't do it maliciously, he did it because it was the norm.

So it's not like he's a whore or anything. Though i'm partial to thinking he is an idiot to do that to Ayla.

I have to keep telling myself it's fictional. Nobody has really betrayed anybody - no need to be upset.

And i spent all this morning trying to work out why it upset me so much...and i think i've figured it out.

I relate to the characters in books, i'm pretty sure most people do, and sometimes you become so absorbed with the story it's like you personally know them - they're a part of you and you're a part of them.

So when Jondalar, this damn near perfect specimen of manliness who dotes on Ayla, slept with someone else...it was like sacrilege.

This perfect and pure love was no longer what i thought it was. It was a bit of a mess - convulted like most things are these days.

And i guess it came as a shock. I'm so used to things working out perfectly in the stories i love, or perhaps not so perfectly, but understandably so.

This was the last thing i expected and it irrates me that she did it.

But i guess i can understand. Jondalar is only human, same as Ayla. Maybe that's what she was trying to get people to see.

She built up this beautiful love story that made me ache for them when something went wrong.

People make mistakes, bad things happen and sometimes forgiveness is the only way to carry on and get what you want.

And more often than not, misunderstandings can get blown out of proportion.

Jeez...i'm so pathetic. I had to reason with myself all morning. From like 4-6am i was walking around with a crease in my forehead and pursed lips.

What a melon.

I also discovered a gazillion bruises all over my body. There's like five awfully big ones on my legs and another couple on my arms. I don't know what the hell i've been doing.... *sighs*

Lew has gone to Wales for his Geology trip and i won't get to speak to him until Friday. How pants.

I want to go to fucking Wales too. Actually, no i don't. The Welsh accent drives me up the wall. Ireland though...hmmm. I'd love to shut myself away in some village in County Tipperary. Now i'm irritated that i'm stuck in fucking England. God damn it.

I suppose i should do some of the work that's piling up. Hmph.

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