Okay. So i like my housemates well enough...i honestly do. But i gotta let my frustration out somewhere.

Sarah is behaving like a puppy dog out for confirmation that she's a good girl all the time. She's got to let us know exactly what she's been doing all the time, even if that's not what she's really been doing. Like we'll pat her on the head and give her a biscuit while saying 'well done love'. It just makes me want to punch her in the mouth.

I don't need to know when you've been studying, and i don't need to know every single time you're going out. I also don't need you to tell me repeatedly that you might not be around some evenings 'cause you've found some guy you like.

It's nice that you're doing things you want and all, but just get on and do them - i sincerely couldn't give a flying fuck whether you painted your skin blue and wanted to be called by an avatar name. You're also eerily starting to sound like a broken record.

And Lauren....she's like an absent minded bumbling mass of nonsense. No i don't think we should buy a plastic bag holder, it's the last fucking thing on my mind right now. And jesus, next time you're bored, walk around someone else's bedroom in circles.

And for the love of god stop telling me exactly what time you'll be home - you're making me feel like i'm looped in steel bands and the life is being sucked out of me.

So...rant over.

Lewis drove over to stay the night on Wednesday and it was so damn good to see him.

I got to spend a whole blissful evening with my two favourite boys for the first time ever. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Lewis and Luke get on great, and i don't know whether it's because they both know they're super important to me and i'm equally important to them, but whatever it is, i'm grateful.

I cooked us all a korma with apple crumble for dessert - we lay around chatting for ages and then watched Quarantine. Lew started snoring and me and Luke giggled away.

Lew had to leave early in the morning, but i packed him a huge lunch for work and he probably thinks i'm still mummying him, but i can't seem to help it.

It was sad watching him drive away, but at the same time i was just so happy to have seen him again so soon.

He's got his new job at Heathrow, which brings him half way towards Winchester, and now he's even talking about moving close to London in the next few months. Which means he'll only be an hour away diary! An hour away!!

I haven't been this excited for something to happen in a long time. I need my little brother in my life.

Moving away was my decision, i realise that, but i'm happy here...it suits me more than anywhere else i've lived. All i need is for some family to move close by and it'll be damn perfect...for the next two years at least.

Time moves alarmingly fast these days.

I've got a job interview tomorrow morning, which i'm not as nervous about as i usually would be. I don't even really have any smart clothing, and definitely no money to buy some, but i'm just not that phased.

It's for weekend work, and even though a part of me seriously does not want to give up my weekend, it's �450 a month i desperately need and i might be able to pick up over-time in the holidays, which would be perfect.

I've started looking at the possibility of internships over the summer next year, and i think the most likely thing would be to volunteer a day a week at two different corporations/businesses if i can get them to agree to it.

Then i can work four days a week and afford to survive!

I'm thinking a publishing company and a museum. Ideally the American Museum in Bath and Macmillan Publishers in Eastleigh - both are fairly easy to get to and would be so damn perfect...i'm using that world a lot aren't i? But the chances of it happening are so slim.

Here's to hoping.

I feel a lot more at ease about my lectures than i did a few weeks ago. I've decided to stop worrying until i really have something to worry about...like bad grades. It's not happened yet and there's nothing to say that it will.

Plus i had a sudden bought of inspiration for my creative peices in Fiction for Children and Textual Intervention.

I've never met a challenge i couldn't overcome and it's time i started remembering that.

In other news, i'm starting to feel slightly old-maidenish. Which is ridiculous i know, considering i'm only 25, but still.

Maybe it's seeing all the couples around me that's spurred it on, but i know it runs deeper than that.

I've been single for a long time now. At first it was a freedom thing - i wanted to find out who i was on my own. Too many years of being somebody's girlfriend had blurred the edges of my reality.

And then it turned into a fear thing - what if i've forgotten how to kiss? What if i'm not attractive to anyone anymore? What's the point in trying when i'm so uncomfortable in my own skin and i come with so many problems?

And it's stayed like that for far too long now. Me convincing myself i'm better off not even looking or trying; slamming down any signals sent my way and maintaining my proud single status. But it's time i stopped.

It's true i'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes; i'm working on changing that. I'm working on changing a lot of things. And it's true i come with a bunch of problems, but i wouldn't be worth it if i didn't.

I'm so tired of fighting this battle...whatever it is...on my own. So so tired of it.

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