So I open up a document on word, and the very first thing I do is change the font to �Georgia��does that make me weird diary? My writing only ever looks like my writing, when it�s in my favourite font. Used to be that �Book Antiqua� was my girl�not anymore.
For days now I�ve been meaning to write in here, only every time I�ve tried the words have gotten stuck in my throat. Have you ever just wondered whether you were really there? Whether life was real? Whether it�s all some sort of fantastic game and when we die that�s the end of it. Like the battery power on a remote�.only our batteries are one of a kind.
I feel a little bit hollow�.sometimes I feel a lot hollow. I�m struggling to maintain this cheery front when I just want to hide away. My bones are restless and my heart is confused. I�m in a permanent state of bodily lethargy and mental over-load. Nothing seems to be making sense.
I desperately want another fresh start�why is that diary? Why am I always wanting to wash away my life and start again? Why does the idea of living in a little Greek village where no one knows my name feel so damn appealing?
I want all the things that matter in life to stop mattering. I want no demands and no responsibility. I want to wake up to the smell of grapefruit and the sound of my own laughter.
Things are always changing. Nothing stays the same. Isn�t that just the oldest saying in the book? Why, when change bothers me so damn much, am I always in a hurry to make it?
I�m tired of this life of deadlines. I�m sick of feeling like I have to apologise for who I am. I�m also very tired of being this alien version of myself.
I want university to be over. Good lord, do I want it to be over. I love the learning, but this place is growing old for me. Or maybe I�m just growing old.
I want to finish this degree, just get it over with. And I want to write, I want to feel happy enough to write up a storm and make that my life. Why can�t I just do that?
Why has everything got to be so damn complicated? It�s like one thing after another � to do lists and bills and socialisation. I just want it all to go away.
I want to be debt free and care free. I want to be skinny and happy. I want to be accomplished and talented. I want to have freedom and pleasure. I don�t have any of these things right now and if I don�t find a way to do it I�m scared I�ll hate what my life has become.
Please someone give me the strength to make some progress.