2010-03-14 @ 8:29 p.m.
Unrequited
Like she's better than me.
I don't want to be anyone but me.
I like being me.
I don't want to be her.
I don't even want to be like her.
But he's making me feel like she's better than me.
We fucked it all up when we had sex.
I'm not the kind of person who can sleep with their bestfriends and shrug it all off.
Feelings develop.
Lines get crossed.
Everything is blurred.
I want to go back to when we hadn't seen each other naked.
When i didn't miss him so much it physically ached.
When i went days without thinking of him.
When my excitement at our conversations felt innocent.
When i didn't care what he thought of me.
When i felt like myself around him.
When i didn't feel jealous of unknown women.
I want to go back to trusting and loving him as my friend and no more.
I don't feel okay.
I feel stupid and used and naive.
I feel like i fell in love with my bestfriend.
Without wanting to.
Without it being returned.
I'm such an idiot.
But he doesn't need to know that.
I've made enough of a fool of myself lately....i can still keep some of my pride intact.
I'll take some space.
I'll fall out of love.
If that's what this even is.
Broken hearts always mend in the end.
And i'll learn, for next time.
<<ghosts []the mist>>
A shit load of contradictions, wrapped up neatly, with a nice pretty bow.
Reading. Writing. Zoos & Animal Parks. Bowling. Coffee Ice-cream. Blues Rock/Alternative/Indie Music. Fallen Angels. Wild Flowers. Pastrami. Vanilla Coke. Autumn. Harry Potter. Driving. Turquoise. Southern Comfort. Aviators. Semolina. Christmas. Museums. Dream Catchers. Roller Coasters. Tattoos. Winter Cider. Philosophy. Vintage Shops. Night time. Chinese Lanterns. Hoop earrings. Sci-Fi. Flowery Skirts. Mythical Creatures. Weeping Willows. Castles. Yankee Candles. Rainy Mornings. Ballet Pumps. Baking. Art Galleries. Long pendants. Quills and Ink. Spiced Rum. Libraries. Sleeping. Converse. Forests. Banana Milk. Venetian Masks. Poetry. Fireworks. US License Plates. Graveyards. Quotes. White Chocolate. Cats. Stars. Scrap Books. Shopping. Metallic Nail Varnish. Keepsakes. Phoenixes. Golden Grahams. Horror Movies. Tea (Esp. Rose Earl Grey). Lemonade Shower Gel. Travelling. Tragic Love. Piercings. Old Book & New Sponge Smells. Storms. Witty People. Cherries. Colourful Socks. American Dramas. Airports. Aston Martins. Hazelnut Lattes. Cowboys. Skeleton Keys. Cajun Chicken. Ivy. Dreams. Cinnamon Waffles. Old London. French Cheese. Trilby Hats. Antiques. Colourful Plasters. Postcards. Colourful paperclips. Bangles. Marvel & DC Comics. Key rings. Notebooks.
Dishonesty. Racism. Narrow-Mindedness. Idiocy. Unwarranted Violence. Neglective Parents. Bullying. Unearned Respect. Betrayal. Extreme Heat. Bright Lights. Sickness. Mushrooms & Olives. Alarm Clocks. Unfounded Jealousy. South African Accents. Celebrity Biographies. Suffocating Presences. Restrictions. Superficial people. Game playing. Routines.
Robert Frost Leather Bound Journal.
Small Vinyl Book Ends.
Astro Star Lamp.
designer
joy.deprived