No..i got to watch the world cup and the news and big brother instead. Three things i really don't enjoy watching.

That's sacrifice right there...mwahaha.

Hmmm...this week? This week has been...weird.

The puppy keeps escaping. The neighbour brought her back one time and he totally didn't seem too impressed...she probably piddled on his carpet.

Mum's gone back to schizo mode. All crazy mad one minute, especially if the house isn't show home perfect...and then all 'darling' and 'sweetheart' the next.

This is what happens when she has a boyfriend...he's alright though. Nicer than the last bloke.

I probably sound a bit harsh. I love my mum...i honestly do. We just have a bit of a tumultuous relationship.

It's hard for us...we're two very different people. We have some thing's in common of course...but essentially we're abit like chalk and cheese.

I'm sappy and happy, super sweet unless provoked and a dreamer.

Mum's stern and serious, not nice unless she needs to be and doesn't like fantasy.

I love adrenaline, am a tad bit crazy and i absolutely love to do things differently...most of all, i am definately not a leader unless i have to be.

Mum is conservative and respectable, she loves to be in charge and doesn't have time for frivilous things...mostly she's not a chancer.

She's not ever really been that affectionate with me, but i'm not really sad about it, that's just how she is...but lately...the strange affectionate nature can be a bit freaky.

Kind of nice, you know, but freaky.

I almost fell out with Lynn the other day.

She told me that her and John plan on going to the Prodigy concert alone and just meeting us there - which translates as - the concert you booked for the four of us isn't going to happen, my husband is a dick and hates you so he's not going to let me go with you, possibly i can see you while we're in this huge stadium but i highly doubt he'd be that happy about it, have fun with your brother.

I really wanted to be honest about how that made me feel. I wanted to tell her that her husband was making me miserable. That i wished something awful would happen to him. That he's effectively bullying me.

But i couldn't do it. I just stayed quiet.

Partly because i find it so hard to explain my feelings. Partly because i'm resigned.

I don't want nor do i need people like that in my life, they're a waste of space.

I'll be Lynn's friend for aslong as i'm able. Her husband won't get the better of us. No matter how hard it gets, i know she's there and she knows i'm there.

I'm effectivly erasing him from my life. The same goes for Lisa.

It's beyond a reconciliation for both of these people.

I know forgiveness is supposed to be a beautiful thing, but i'm done forgiving undeserving people.

Trust is what's important. And whether by nomination or by circumstance, i don't trust very easily.

These people are among many that have lost my trust, betrayed me in the keenest sense. and i'm not allowing people like that near me anymore.

If you're lucky then you'll get one second chance from me. Just one. Don't waste it.

Life is too short to be surrounded by people you can't trust, nevermind love.

Onto a brighter note...i applied for two of the three colleges i'm hopefully for in September. The other one i'll apply for when i can download an application form, this week i guess.

I've felt so tired this week, being on earlies and rising at half four in the morning, that i've really been doubting my ability to do any set college work to the correct standard.

But i don't get anything done when i'm sleepy and that's usually my fault.

I'm going to set myself a timetable to make sure i get eight hours sleep a night no matter what. If i'm well slept then i'm alert.

I'm going to make myself leave things until the next day, no matter how badly i want to keep doing them until the wee hours. It can wait.

I'm going to work really hard. And i mean really really hard. I want to get the best possible grades on this course to give me the best possible opportunity at UCL.

I'm going to be brave and believe in myself.

I've only recently realised how little confidence i actually have in my intellectual abilities.

I don't feel smart at all and i'm allowing myself to be intimidated.

But i need to keep reminding myself at every opportunity...There may be people so much smarter than me, but i'm still smart myself, and if i work hard and revise...i'll learn alot and go great places. If i take a chance and try and share my opinons, i'll get braver and braver.

All my goals - all my ambitions - all my dreams...they'll be within reaching distance.

I need to be determined and i need to have faith.

I'll probably need reminding at every little stage. But aslong as i can keep the pep talks up, then i'm good.

So this dieting thing isn't working. Maybe i just need to take small steps...i did go out to the gym once and had a pretty good work out. But that's not enough. Not nearly enough.

It's going to happen. I just can't plan it - i need to go for it when it feels right.

I'll get there. I'm all about having faith these days. (If you could see my eyebrow raise right now you'd laugh).

On monday i have the day off (shock horror) and am driving up to the Black Country Museum with Lewis and Grams.

It'll be my first time on the motor way so i'm slightly scared - but what the hell - it'll be alright.

Figured we may aswell do something with a free day and an available car.

Besides, the Museum is fun and they've never been so i know we'l have an awesome day.

If everything goes well then i'll think about driving to Stratford-Upon-Avon next. Nothing like Shakespeare country.

And if that goes well, then it's off to camp by the Stone Henge.

Got to make the most out of having a car while i still do.

Tomorrow i might try and make myself get some things done.

The cleaner has done my room and i have a big pile of washing ready to be loaded - but i'm pretty sure my todo list extends beyond that one small activity.

Let's see if i can make my day count.

Anyways, Robin Hood soon so i better dash...oh and GO ENGLAND!!

Thought i ought to at least be a tiny bit patriotic as i'm being made to watch the match.

p.s: Oh and i'm going to hunt down the kid with the knife - take a picture and post it through every door in this neighbourhood before taking it to the police.

p.p.s: Nigeria lost their match - how pants - that's in support of the 25% of my blood that originates from there.

p.p.p.s: Is there such a thing as a p.p.p.s? Well now there is!!