I haven't been able to write for a few days. Every time i open this page up i get distracted and leave it open in the hopes the words will come to me soon...but they don't, and i forget the page is open until it's time to sleep.

Maybe today will be better.

The best news that i have to share is that i got into college.

I retook my maths test and scored a 2, which makes me elligible for the evening course, the requirements of which turned out to be higher due to it's intensity.

I got interviewed by the English Lit teacher, just by chance, but a lucky chance it seems.

It turns out that the evening course doesn't cover English anymore, though i am required to have a college qualification in English to study it at degree level.

I have to take Core I.T and Maths along with Psychology and either History or Biology.

Neither of which are any good to me. But the English teacher said that i could possibly swap out the History for English on the day course, by sort of doing a combination of the two, and if it turns out that i'm not allowed to do that, then i can add the English day course class on top of everything else...which means more work, but if that's what i have to do then that's definately what i'm going to do.

I have enrollment next Tuesday where i have to set up payment for registration and exams (the course itself should be free because it's my first level 3 full time course) and i can sort out a schedule and any problems then.

With any luck it'll work out smoothly and i'll be all set to brush up on my I.T and Math skills and study full time Psychology and English Lit...if not, then i'll have to add History to my bundle aswell. Either way it should all work out well.

The English teacher was super nice. I was looking at the comments she was writing about me on the interview sheet, what i could see of it anyway, and i saw things like 'very confident and social' 'would be an asset to the college' etc etc

It was nice, you know, to see a total stranger writing these things about me. And you could tell she was no push over either. I hope she's my English teacher.

It brought to mind all the info i have on my personality type. I saved it all to a document to peruse over when i got the chance and yesterday i printed it all out to make it more accessible.

One of the first things i noticed was this:

'To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of 'definiteness', of self confidence. This self confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a specific rather than a general nature; it's source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age.'

And then this:

'INTJs are the most self confident of all types, having 'self-power' awareness. Found in about 1% of the general population.'

It sort of made me giggle a little. It's true that people see me that way, but sometimes i'm quaking on the inside and i wish someone knew enough of me to see through the confident appearance.

I didn't go to work today. I woke up at 4.45am and instantly thought 'Do i really want to do this?', realised i'd started my second period of the month and followed that thought with 'Nah, fuck this'. I called in sick. I have no intention of going in this week now. Stupid maybe. But i need the break to get myself sorted.

I've got a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. An actual proper doctor not a nurse like i usually see.

I'm going to ask for help with the periods, probably going back on the depo would be the obvious solution. I'm going to talk about the stress, get some suggestions for counselling and maybe get a doctors note, which would help with work immensely. And i'm going to ask for some pills to help me lose weight, get a bunch of advice, and hopefully walk away with the prospect of no more spots and periods, weight loss and a little less tension in my shoulders.

Lew came round today and we hung out, went into town for lunch and to try and sell some of his stuff at CEX (turns out ebay would be better and i'm going to collect him with all the stuff before the doctors tomorrow) and we bought all our school stationary etc.

I of course bought some new books. I don't think it's possible for me to resist Waterstones sometimes.

I've put all the books i need to read in a pile, with the genres all muddled up, so once i've read something romantic i then have to read a classic, and after that a mystery or some such and then lastly a non fiction book.

I realise that maybe i need to widen my reading horizons if i want to take Literature seriously, and i need some more ideas for my personal statement. Hopefully something i read will give me a broader outlook and inspiration won't be hard to come by.

I'm going to use my time off work productively. Get my room tidy and clean. Get everything on ebay at long last. Watch the movies i've been meaning to for months and make a dent in the pile of books keeping my wall company. Not to mention going over all my files and catching up on everything.

It was Daniel's birthday yesterday. I didn't see him cause he's in Manchester but i did ring, and i sent a little pressie and card (The Hungry Caterpillar book of course) but i shall give him his real present when i go to see them next Tuesday. It's a hullaballo indoor tent. So cute, he should love it.

After enrollment i'm going to get on the train to London and stay at Lornas because on the wednesday we're going to the open day at KCL.

I booked us on the English talk and by some lucky chance i got a space, but the registration is at 10am so we'l have to spend from then until 3pm taking tours of the campus and accomodation and listening to all the other talks about student life and finance etc, but that's probably a good thing, so i get a real feel for everything.

I'll get us lunch from somewhere near by half way through, sort of as a thankyou. I'm so glad she's doing this with me. I had to either have a parent or guardian with me if i wanted anyone at all, and because i don't feel utterly comfortable doing everything on my own yet, and also because my Ma wouldn't really be interested, i decided Lorna would be best. She is sort of my step Ma at any rate, and she says she loves this stuff...so there we go.

I'm nervous about it, but excited all the same. It's getting closer and closer!

Only ten more months!

Talking of Ma. She's agreed to do the dell laptop buy now pay later scheme for me. My credit score being what it is, i don't really stand a chance. But i'll pick it out and we'l get the financial stuff in her name and then when i sell my car next year i can pay her the money :-)

I've found the most awesome one with great photo editing software and awesome speakers built in. Plus the beautiful cover i picked out, 'cement jungle'. Ugh, i cant wait to sort it out.

I think she's agreed because of how i might be feeling towards her right now.

They're looking at renting a 3 or 4 bed house somewhere between Sharnbrook and Rushden, so not exactly that close. And all these comments about living together as a family sort of make me feel a bit left out. But i guess i'm an adult now, and this is what happens when you come from a broken family and that family forms a new one.

I guess the advantages would be that she doesn't like to look bad in front of her boyfriend and is more likely to help me and Lew out when we ask.

And if she has more money then maybe my presents will be more awesome. Plus i suppose the benefit of being a guest at holidays is that i dont have to contribute. Mwahaha. I just have to be nice. Which i can manage.

Mark and me have a new arrangement for the shared account. Seems he took their letters more seriously than i ever would when i skipped another payment, and he panicked and put �500 odd pounds into the account and set it up to reduce by �100 every month, which apparently we're to share the cost of, which means in ten months it'll all be gone and i won't be doing it on my own, nor will i be making any lump sum payments before i go away. Awesome. Sometimes being a lazy mare with my finances pays off.

My tattoo is nearly healed. Been itching me like crazy but it's mostly peeled away. And it looks awesome.

I have some new ideas for tattoos, and i think i know what to have done with my other wrist tattoo to get it up to scratch.

I adore my new one because it's so personal and it's so well done. My back one is personal too, and i've always though they did a really good job. But the one on my left wrist is always something i spend hours debating with myself over. It just needs a little work, and then i'll adore it too.

I'm going to transfer all my ebooks on my PC to my Kindle so i can start reading those too...especially the Shakespeare collection. I haven't read them in so long and i feel like i owe it to myself considering i'm quoting his work on my body now...hmmm.

I hope i get everything done this week and even manage to paint a bit. I miss just painting because there's nothing to stress over and my mind can run free. I bought another round canvas today.

Talking of my mind running free. I had some crazy ass dreams last night about nightclubs and dancing all sexy with other women, it being sunrise at midnight and aisles of fudge and mint in a corner shop with a blonde staring at me. Weird.

Lisha and Jus got their GCSE results last week and i was so proud of them both.

Lew got 7 C's and a B which is so great for him. He had his sixth form interview today and has swapped out I.T for Sociology which is where he got his B and they're hoping to let him cut a class so he's only doing 4 instead. Ease the pressure a bit.

I took him shopping after he got his results, Ma said he could get some new trainers and she ended up paying for him to have four tshirts on top of that. Granted they were awesome and he definately needs some new gear for school considering he no longer has a uniform to wear.

I bought him a pair of jeans, totally cool ones with an embroidered skull down the side, along with another pair of converse type trainers and an awesome eagle wings belt.

Had to get him a little something for doing so well.

We went out to Pizza Express to celebrate. It was nice. Ma totally didn't want to go, she can be such a killjoy, but we convinced her and it was a nice night.

Elisha did amazingly well. But we all knew she would. She got an A in her Maths Alevel that she took early..and in her GCSEs she got 7 A's, 3 A*'s and 2 B's.

I sent her a card and was struggling to think of a present, she couldn't think of anything either, and then i remembered my old steadfast...books.

I ordered her four awesome books from Amazon to be delivered this week. One of them is the third book in the hunger games trilogy that i know she's been after and has only just been released.

So i'm at least up to speed when it comes to peoples gifts, i only hope my account is in a good enough order tomorrow for my rent to come out.

Oh and i'm not going on holiday this year. I thought after cancelling Morocco i could go away for a cheap week abroad...but i've had to shift my annual leave about in order to go to College and Uni next week so it made sense to just book the whole week off, considering i've already got the friday booked off for Muse. I still have a little time off in November and an extra day on my long weekend in October, but it looks like i get my holiday, in a sense, over the next two weeks.

At least i'll be refreshed for when college starts on the 14th. Plus i should just about manage to get my new camera and ipod with the money i'll save. With any luck anyway.

I've also planned my strategic exit from the company next June. Making sure i get paid for the maximum amount of my annual leave and sickness before i run off.

I also think i know where i want to go for the ten weeks i'll have spare, i just need to look at flights etc. I've left myself a week between leaving work and flying off - i'll still have the room for a while so may aswell do my packing and organising then. And i've left two weeks between arriving home and attending Freshers for Uni to get reaquainted with family and sort out moving my shiz into my new digs.

It's so exciting. I just hope it all happens how i'd like it to.

I'm going to read The Princess Bride by William Goldman tomorrow. That's my mission.

For now, i'm going to sort out my pencil cases and check up on my facebook.

Oh i live such an interesting life.

<<ghosts []the mist>>