2010-10-17 @ 10:30 a.m.
Judders
I take absentmindedness and turn it into rejection.
Then i take that rejection and i start to worry.
The anxiety consumes me until i start to feel hurt.
Deeply hurt.
Then comes the worthlessness and the helplessness.
And then i feel like bashing my head against a brick wall because i'm despairing and crying over nothing at all.
Why do i have to be so sensitive?
Is this pay back for all the years i've spent pretending nothing could get to me?
Well fine. It gets to me. Everything fucking gets to me.
I'm absolutely and utterly irrational and completely afraid of not being enough.
And yes. I know. I know the only reason i don't get reassurance is because nobody knows i'm that girl.
To everyone else I'm nice. I'm sweet. I'm confident. I'm happy.
All the god damn time.
And when I'm not happy. I'm sarcastic. I'm amusing. I'm cute.
The idea of me being a paranoid mare who drives herself insane with the very goings on in her mind is inconcievable.
Only it's not. It's totally true.
I'm so screwed.
<<ghosts []the mist>>
A shit load of contradictions, wrapped up neatly, with a nice pretty bow.
Reading. Writing. Zoos & Animal Parks. Bowling. Coffee Ice-cream. Blues Rock/Alternative/Indie Music. Fallen Angels. Wild Flowers. Pastrami. Vanilla Coke. Autumn. Harry Potter. Driving. Turquoise. Southern Comfort. Aviators. Semolina. Christmas. Museums. Dream Catchers. Roller Coasters. Tattoos. Winter Cider. Philosophy. Vintage Shops. Night time. Chinese Lanterns. Hoop earrings. Sci-Fi. Flowery Skirts. Mythical Creatures. Weeping Willows. Castles. Yankee Candles. Rainy Mornings. Ballet Pumps. Baking. Art Galleries. Long pendants. Quills and Ink. Spiced Rum. Libraries. Sleeping. Converse. Forests. Banana Milk. Venetian Masks. Poetry. Fireworks. US License Plates. Graveyards. Quotes. White Chocolate. Cats. Stars. Scrap Books. Shopping. Metallic Nail Varnish. Keepsakes. Phoenixes. Golden Grahams. Horror Movies. Tea (Esp. Rose Earl Grey). Lemonade Shower Gel. Travelling. Tragic Love. Piercings. Old Book & New Sponge Smells. Storms. Witty People. Cherries. Colourful Socks. American Dramas. Airports. Aston Martins. Hazelnut Lattes. Cowboys. Skeleton Keys. Cajun Chicken. Ivy. Dreams. Cinnamon Waffles. Old London. French Cheese. Trilby Hats. Antiques. Colourful Plasters. Postcards. Colourful paperclips. Bangles. Marvel & DC Comics. Key rings. Notebooks.
Dishonesty. Racism. Narrow-Mindedness. Idiocy. Unwarranted Violence. Neglective Parents. Bullying. Unearned Respect. Betrayal. Extreme Heat. Bright Lights. Sickness. Mushrooms & Olives. Alarm Clocks. Unfounded Jealousy. South African Accents. Celebrity Biographies. Suffocating Presences. Restrictions. Superficial people. Game playing. Routines.
Robert Frost Leather Bound Journal.
Small Vinyl Book Ends.
Astro Star Lamp.
designer
joy.deprived