I got about 50 pages into Great Expectations and decided i wanted to read something a little...less deep?

Not that it's hard to understand, or that i wasn't enjoying it...i just wanted something i could swallow whole and spit back out in the end.

So i picked Becca Fitzpatrick's Crescendo off my 'To Read' shelf and proceeded to stay up until 5am finishing it.

So...bonus is that yesterday wasn't a total waste of time, considering i removed one book off my list.

Downside? I've got into the habit of going to sleep at 5am and waking up around 2pm..yet again.

That shiz is gunna get old real fast.

It's not so bad if i do it again tomorrow, 'cause i'm not meeting Becky until around 5pm for our sleepover.

But i'm pretty sure i have a Psychology lesson at 1pm on Tuesday.

What else is good about today?! Hmmm....

I checked my bank account and there was some JSA money in there.

So i paid my share of the bills into Zowie's account and transferred 20 squid to Gram's account.

Only thing that still needs sortin' is the rent...but i can't do that until the letting agents get their ass in gear.

I didn't shower yesterday and i felt totally disgusting today, so one of the first thing's i did was jump in the bathroom.

I haven't had such a long shower in forever - i went all wrinkly and everything.

Usually i'm a hop in - face scrub - rinse - shampoo - rinse - conditioner - rinse - razor - rinse - body scrub - rinse - jump out...kinda girl.

Not today.

I feel all squeaky clean and relaxed though...and i even found the energy to pluck my eyebrows and take my chipped nail varnish off.

If i'm feeling all adventurous later i'll paint my nails again.

My Live bright red hair dye keeps staring at me everytime i walk in there...but it's not going to happen today.

Maybe tomorrow.

I can't be bothered with my curls today - that shiz got brushed and restrained in plaits.

I finally polished and hoovered my bedroom last night.

And i did my whole freaky emptying boxes and refilling them thing until i was satisfied my room was perfectly organised.

It's kinda weird still being alone in the house.

I like it...to a certain extent.

That extent being that i have to have the kitchen light on downstairs and the bathroom one on upstairs...at all times...and you can forget about me going to the ground floor when it's dark.

I ran out of my Costa Rican coffee today, which isn't surprising considering the rate i've been drinking it the past few days.

I don't want to open the Brazilian pot, so i'm drinking some Suryan shiz...i don't even know where that is, but it tastes okay.

I maxed out my TB harddrive over Christmas, so i'm having to transfer all the movies over to my supposed backup one and keep TV programmes on 'Anthropomorphic Baby'.

Yeah. All my stuff has silly names.

My camera's SD card is 'Awesomeness'. The stupidly big one i'm going to buy soon will be 'Fantabulous'.

My college pen drive is 'Seriously'.

You've met 'Anthropomorphic Baby' and my WD Passport that backs all my music and documents is 'Sacred Plum'.

My backup TB harddrive needs naming now i'm using it - though not for the intention i originally purchased it for.

I'll think of something silly i'm sure.

Tiv rang me as soon as she realised i was awake for help on the History assignment.

Yeah. The one i haven't started yet.

I should be more panicked right?

But i'm not. Not in the slightest.

I know i can manage a pass in my sleep and somehow i've stopped caring about getting Distinctions.

This is pretty typical of me.

As soon as i think i can do something i don't even try properly.

Ah. What the hell.

I'll get the work done and handed in on time and be done with it.

Everywhere i'm now applying to only wants me to get a pass anyway.

I don't know if i said before?...that i was changing my UCAS application.

Well i am.

They haven't even sent them off yet, so i'm asking for mine back to add my other Distinction grade and modify my personal statement so it leans abit more towards Philosophy than English.

And then i'm changing all five of my Uni picks.

The course for all of them: Joint Honours in Creative Writing and Philosophy (Modern Liberal Arts in Bath though - it's basically the same).

The Uni's: Bath Spa, Winchester, London Metropolitan, Roehampton & Staffordshire.

I figured, what the hell, gotta take a leap of faith at some point.

I just want to write. I want to be able to think, read and write.

I love English, i seriously do.

But all the frickin' feedback i'm getting is 'your writing on all assignments is distinction level and you write creatively' which seems to be the problem.

They don't want me to write creatively...and that's all i want to do.

I don't think English would be a good subject for me.

Sometimes picking apart books is exhausting...and it almost ruins them for me.

And i don't feel like i learn anything new either.

After analysing the books, i'm just finding out what i already knew on a subliminal level.

I don't find any satisfaction in that.

I read because i love it.

Because i learn from them in my own way. Sometimes they make me re-think something i thought i understood. They change the way i see the world. They offer me new perspectives.

Philosophy will teach me so much and i LOVE learning new things (probably why i'm enjoying all of my new subjects so much). But most of all, it will help the way i think.

It will teach me the right way to think...the right way for me.

Creative writing will show me how to express my ideas properly.

The two combined are perfect for me.

Both completely new and exciting.

That always holds my attention.

So yeah. Feck it. I'm taking a giant leap.

I'm not contemplating it anymore. I've made my mind up and i couldn't be happier.

I had a lot of problems finding places to do the course though.

Most Uni's won't let you do Creative Writing outside of English Lit - and then those that do, mostly offer it as a minor not a major.

And then even less will let you double major with Philosophy.

But i managed to find about twelve or so that would.

I picked off the ones in places i didn't want to live.

And ended up with my five choices.

So here's to at least one of them accepting me.

Winchester or Bath Spa would be perfeccccct though.

I'm super stoked.

And they all just want me to pass the course. I can do that. No problem.

Ma thinks it's an excellent idea.

I think the two of us have come to an understanding now.

Not that i understand what this understanding is.

But it's there. I can feel it.

And it's just nice to have my Ma..you know?

I haven't spoken to any family other than Ma and Lew today.

I tried ringing Nika back - she rang me on Weds and i didn't wanna speak to anyone - but i got no reponse.

Grams put a stupid message on my facebook about respecting my elders.

I think she's cracked.

I told her respect has to be earned through a person's character and actions, not demanded because of status or circumstance.

I don't think she liked that much, but it's how i've always felt.

Got me in a shed load of trouble over time too.

I downloaded a few indie rock playlists off utorrent and i've been listening to them ever since i woke.

Kind of relaxing.

I think i'm going to get all my letters written out today.

I'll even sort through my files and my 'memory box'.

Is it awfully sad that i keep cards? I even have the cards from when i was born.

Kindle needs charging so it can be overloaded with all the books i've ordered. Wahoo.

I need to write my newest todo list on my white board too.

Gosh. I'm so silly sometimes.

I've just thought about how much i ramble. Howie would agree with that assessment i'm sure.

Apparently i won't shut up sometimes.

I hate reading stream of consciousness writing.

But isn't that exactly what i'm doing? Well, sort of.

I opened The Clockwork Orange when i was organising my book shelf last night.

Shit. Why did i ask for that book? I can hardly understand it.

Richard may be scottish, so i'm used to the dialect, but he didn't speak remotely like that!

I cracked up laughing. That book is gunna have to wait for a day when i'm able to fully concentrate.

Now i'm wondering why Catcher in the Rye is on my 'To Read' shelf too.

That's gunna be a bitch to read.

Beautiful looking book though.

I got so far as to bring my history folder and library books upstairs today.

But that is literally as far as i got.

No matter. Maybe i'll work better when i'm back at college?

I'll probably be living in the LRC again.

Right. I'm going to go get a little busy.

This is one of those songs that makes me just sit and listen and feel.

<<ghosts []the mist>>