Mistakes are made, hearts are broken, lives are lost, but everyone learns from them and goes on to fight for another day (except the dead people).

That�s what is so fascinating about them. This possibility, that all the bloodshed and all the tears aren�t futile at all. That somehow, we�ll grow as people infinitesimally and our wildest dreams will eventually come true.

I don�t know what�s worse. Watching them and believing the truth they offer; or not watching them and moving through life without hope.

*sighs*

I'm actually in a really nice mood today; a little odd, but nice.

I got up about an hour ago (so lazy) and grabbed myself some toasted hot cross buns, a mug of coffee and crawled back into bed.

Mmmmmm.

I got my Comms grade for the debate yesterday...Distinction.

A little confused as to how i'm the only one in my debate group who got one, but i'm not one to shoot a gift horse in the mouth.

So, i'm humbly pleased about that.

I now have 6 A's and 2 B's. Not bad.

And i also have a place at the University of Hull!

I got home to find an 'unofficial' invitation from them, basically telling me i have one of their 35 places on the joint course i want, so long as i pass the course at Merit level.

It should pop up on my UCAS in the next few days apparently.

My cousin says it should be easy for me...if i keep going as i am then it'l get done *grins*

It's nice to know that no matter what, i have some place to go in September.

It's not my first place of course (more like third or fourth) and i'm still waiting to hear from the other four; but it's a great Uni...one of the best Philosophy departments in the country and Philip Larkin was the librarian there for much of his life...how awesome is that.

I'd have been really disheartened if the first time i heard back from a Uni it was a rejection, so i'm pleased to just have an acceptance really, no matter where it is.

Like a back-up plan.

I saw how shit it was for the people on my course who started hearing back before me...only to find a lot of them were rejections.

Like J who got rejected twice before he got a conditional offer. Pretty sucky.

My fingers are still crossed for Winchester...please God.

When i told Ma she squealed...seriously...and was all 'I'm going to have a daughter at University!'.

She probably sounds a bit mental from all the things i've said about her on here.

But i get it.

Noone on Ma's side of the family has ever been to University (i have a few older cousins on my Dad's side who have, but only recently and only 3 out of god knows how many...Becky, Tyler and Zoe); i'll officially be the first, followed closely by Elisha the next year when she goes for Maths with Accounting.

And for much of my life i've been a stubborn little shit who decided convention was something i despised; there was no way i was going to learn to drive, learn to cook or do anything remotely stereotypically womanish, get married, have children or go to University.

So i sort of disappeared off her radar for a few years.

Next thing she knows, i've returned from Italy, broken up a five year relationship, packed my shiz up and left my house, all within the space of a few days...and actually asked to stay with her for a while.

Then i suddenly started taking driving lessons, passed first time around and bought a car a few days later...finding i adored driving.

Um...then i started college, left my job of six and a half years...and moved to another town miles away.

Now i love cooking and baking, and i'm all geared for Uni this September.

Plus i've already told her i intend to marry some guy and live in the middle of nowhere, with a happy house full of laughing and screaming children...just not for a good little while.

I think i shocked the shit out of her.

But, i tend to do that to people sometimes.

Shay slept over the other day and it was really nice to just chill out.

I made sweet pepper chicken pasta with salad and garlic bread for dinner...i live off this stuff 'cause it's just so god damn easy.

Then we watched Splice...which was hilarious and disgusting. She's great to watch horror movies with, 'cause she jumps real easy but loves them just like me.

I threw the teddies on the floor at one point and she jumped and yelped, which mad me get scared and yelp so we ended up in a fit of giggles.

And we both think a like too...we're all 'yeah, she's so getting raped now...'...'someone loves daddy'.

We just snacked on fizzy cola twirls, sour tropical strips, chocolate buttons and fanta....so healthy.

We made up for it by having greek yogurt and strawberries for breaky though.

After Splice we watched Jennifer's Body.

Fuck awesome movie.

The next day at college we were spouting what would appear to be a load of nonsense to other people, but made perfect sense to us.

Like...

'You're jello...lime green jello'

'It smells like Thai food in here...have you guys been fucking?'

'Shutties' - That's Shay's favourite.

'You got a tampon?' *shakes head* 'Thought i'd ask, you look like you might be plugging' - That's my favourite line!

'I just got Aquamarine on DVD. It's about a girl who's like half sushi. She must have sex through a blowhole or something.'

'My tit!'...'No, your heart.'

'You're totally lesbi-gay.'

'Am i hurting you?.....Am i too big?'

'Man-scara'

I could go on...this movie is full of brilliantly dark and inappropriate humour...definately one of my favourites.

And of course i appreciate the hotness that is Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried.

So anyway, i packed us packlunches for college...i'm so strange sometimes...and i sort of go overboard.

There was chorizo and cheese sandwiches, salami and pickle sandwiches, pom bears, lemon cupcakes, orange kitkats and white chocolate buttons.

Chris ate half my cupcake and kitkat though...so i bought a lollypop in compensation.

I went for coffee with Mark the other day...did i mention that? I dunno...i like Mark.

We had these delicious rocky road cupcakes and a humungous hot chocolate and hazelnut latte and just talked lots. He's a really nice guy.

I feel like i spend half my time getting high fives and fist bumps from the lads now...so silly.

We've totally finished our History presentation and Louise made some shitty remark about us eventually telling her what she's got to do.

Me weren't best pleased. I'm going to be having words with Amy about her complete lack of input...especially seen as our presentation looks to be the best so far and it was pretty much just me and Mark doing it.

Tasha turned up once, and then printed off a load of stuff i asked for...so she's sort of forgiven. And at least she's apologised...but Louise..ugh.

I made my sociology presentation in the ICT slot yesterday - i just wanna check it over one more time, but it looks pretty awesome.

Then i can print it out and make my poster from it - i bought some pretty card from Paperchase the other day so that should do.

I still haven't finished Psychology, which is sort of apalling, but i'll stay tul 8pm on Monday and Tuesday to get it handed in on time.

Then i'm completely up to date. For the first time ever.

Though the Nazi history assignment is getting set this friday, the first of many to come i dare say...no rest for the wicked huh.

And i'm so lazy i haven't sorted out the doctors registration or ebay sales yet.

Which means i haven't joined the gym or ordered my new passport yet either.

I'll have to force myself to do it next week, i need it all sorted before half term on the 19th 'cause i intend to relax that week...with Lew for company...so excited.

I miss my brother like crazy.

He rang me late last night when he was walking back from town with some mates.

I forget he's going to be 17 next month, he's growing up way too fast!

It's fuck awesome that we have the same sixth form/college holidays 'cause we'l get to hang loads.

He went to this open night thing for the Police Cadets and he said Ma got all embarrassing and started rambling on about some policies on such and such to the Chief Police person which had him blushing.

Mwahaha.

But apparently it looks really good for him, he was one of the only lads there doing A-levels...and he's doing the right ones too, with Forensic Science, Geology, ICT and Financial Studies.

I guess it doesn't help that Ma is a senior civil servant either...she knows people.

He's so going to be a police officer after school.

He's applying for the Cadets this week, which i'm sure he'l get, and then he's near enough guaranteed to get into the Police force when he turns 18, or at least have a really good shot at it.

And he won't stop there, i know for a fact he wants to be a detective in the CID and then move on to Scotland Yard.

I believe in him.

I'm so happy for him and so so proud of him...and at the same time i'm terrified.

The police have to deal with way too much shit. Way too much.

But he's a good person, one of the very best, so he'l always do the right thing.

And i think the fact that he wants to dedicate his life to helping people and keeping people safe, is just so honourable.

I heart my little brother, always.

I hope he's always safe, even though that's a naive request.

I wouldn't want to live in a world where he ceased to exist.

*sighs*

It's probably a really bad idea, but ever the curious individual, i'm going to go watch Charlie St. Cloud.