I can�t quite believe how fast this last week of college has gone; but then I seem to be losing track of minutes, like I would bunnies in a field.

Speaking of rabbits; I did have an extremely humorous conversation with my cousin and a couple of her housemates the other day. I caught a ride with Mark and popped over with some chicken soup, as you do, �cause Becky hasn�t been well, and we spent hours just chatting around the kitchen table. One of them, Kim, lives on a farm in Shropshire you see, so she was discussing the sale of cows and what not and I was asking completely valid questions, out of genuine curiosity � like how much they sold for, what they weighed, and whether anyone had ever tipped one *laughs* - but Kiran, the other housemate, was asking the most absurd things I�d ever heard � like how many rabbits did they breed and where do pigs live. It soon came to light that she�s a complete city girl and has never been near a farm in her life.

At one point, when we were talking about Pheasants, she remarked that �in olden times, they were seen as filthy and stuff weren�t they�. No sweetie, that�s peasants you�re thinking of. Oh I could have peed! She�s nice though, proper sarcastic and stuff � I do heart me some sarcastic people.

It was nice seeing Becky, even if it wasn�t for long. So at least I�m sort of sticking to my promise to make more of an effort to see her. I even bought her some magic stars, �cause Mark said magic stars are for sick people � they make you feel supremely better. *whispers* this is what his mother told him and I don�t have the heart to say it�s a load of rubbish. Rather sweet really.

I had a drink in Lloyds with some of �em after college on Weds, and I got back to the table with my Corona and lime, and Chris just took one look at me and said �Corona? What the fuck is going on?� It is nice to fuck with his head sometimes *grins* I can drink beer when the mood strikes, as long as it�s tasty beer!

As predicted, Tivi sent me several emails explaining things to me and she apologised. She says she never meant it the way she said it, and knows I didn�t actually say anything of the sort and wanted to retract the statement afterwards, but I refused to speak to her. But I don�t know, it�s weird, I have forgiven her, and I don�t feel angry when I see her or anything like that; but I can�t seem to bring myself to actually speak to her.

It�s bizarre. There�s no animosity and there�s no immediate need to reassure myself of our friendship. I just feel like maybe I need a breather from her for a while. I guess that all of these disastrous arguments I seem to get myself in, and the broken string of friendships I leave in my wake, are sort of becoming a way of life; and I don�t really know how I feel about that.

I don�t know whether to just accept that this is what has always surrounded me and move on from it, or try and find a way to change. But, surely, if it�s been there for so long, it�s got to be because of something that�s so deeply ingrained in my core that it would be mere idiocy to try and amend the fault, if it is a fault at all?

I told Mark that I thought it was because I�m extraordinarily antagonistic and stubborn sometimes. He chuckled, and told me that I�m not, that I�m just passionate and quite intense. What is it with these people and turning my bad points into attractive, if somewhat theoretically negative, traits?

I say I�m egotistical, and suddenly I�m outgoing and competitive. I say I�m selfish, and suddenly I�m savvy and cautious. I say I�m a bitch, and suddenly I�m realistic and confident. I say I�m heartless, and suddenly I�m reserved and emotional. It�s exhausting.

I don�t know what to think; maybe I�m what I say I am, and what they say I am. Who am I to judge? *laughs then shrugs*

I make no apologies though, and I�m straight forward enough with my views and intentions, for the smart people out there to realise exactly what sort of a person I am.

Well, Sociology presentation was rubbish (a Merit if I�m miraculously lucky) and the same applies for History � though I was slightly less nervous for the second and that was more Merit/Distinction. But it�s all done now, that�s it for the year. I�m not getting any better at them, contrary to popular belief; it doesn�t always work like that.

Speaking of � I�m 8 and 2 now! *does a little happy dance* that�s eight Distinctions and two Merits, in case anyone thought I was trying to work out my age or some such. Amy told me my Numerology presentation grade, which I may have already mentioned, and I got back my Psychology paper (from the whole restless i-can�t-do-this-work-no-matter-what-i-try stage) Phew. Next up is the History assignment, which is due four days after half term finishes. I haven�t decided whether it would be smart to start before I go to Bedford � I guess it would be, but when have I been smart about any of my decisions regarding college?

I guess I could draft it up this weekend or something. Actually, no, I�ll go into the LRC on Monday seen as it�s open from 9 � 5 and I�ve got nothing better to do with myself; then I�ll pop by to see Becky before I go to Bedford on Tues.

I�m actually getting pretty concerned about the amount of coffee I consume. I realised I�d gone through yet another pot and went to Tesco to buy two more. Why Kenco�s gotta be more expensive than fuckin� Nescafe I don�t know. But it is scrummy. Becky gave me a proper lecture about it when I told her I drink seven cups a day on average. Apparently, this is the reason I don�t sleep properly, and also why I pee all the time. And she predicted my liver was dying and my ankles and wrists are susceptible to breakage even more now. I think she�s a hypochondriac, but she�s making me paranoid. I�ll Google it.

Okay no. Coffee might actually be good for me, and it prevents liver disease, Alzheimer�s and Parkinson�s; but perhaps I should cut it down to three or four cups a day max. My blood pressure is already pretty high.

Howie rang me for a long overdue natter this week � �cept I couldn�t ring him back like I usually do with my gazillion minutes (stupid god damn phone with your stupid blocked calls) and then the boy sent me a message that started with �Don�t be mad� (ha) and then blabbered on about the Arsenal game, with a promise to ring me again soon. I�m super stoked though � I miss him like crazy, actually � and not in a silly crushathon way, in a he�s-an-awesome-friend-who-actually-gets-me-and-i-have-a lot-of-fun-when-I�m-around-him way. I�m going to make him spend time with me next week, he just doesn�t know it yet *grins* I�m probably not gunna wanna go home at this rate. Between missing Lew, Ma, Grams, Jane, Tasha, Ash, Paul and Howie, I�m turning into a total sucker. Never mind missing Lisha, Nika, Jus, Lorna and Dan. *sighs*

Me and J were gunna go to this amateur theatre production of Kafka�s Trial, but we didn�t manage to get tickets on time. Which totally sucked by the way.

I tried to get a doctor�s appointment and there�s over a week�s wait, which is no way to run a surgery I swear, so I booked it for the Tuesday after half term, then I don�t have to faff around next week. Besides, the crimson river arrived and that shit needs to be on its merry way before I can get the jab. Then I�ll be off to the gym every day; bring on the self-immolation! Jokes. I found a gym though, that�s probably a twenty minute walk away and has a �20 a month membership � I might give it a try.

I succumbed to my inner shopaholic and bought a dream journal, which is actually more of a fantastically pretty notebook I found whilst torturing myself by browsing books in Waterstones, but what the hey, it�ll work just as well. I�ve decided that all these fabulous dreams I keep having needed to be recorded somewhere; future inspiration and all that jazz.

Hmmm. What else is new. Oh I finished two of my short stories�I�d written a few sentences as an idea, intending to write 500 words max, and it ended up being 1109. But it�ll do! Now I need to finish the long poem I started, the short play and the other short story. Then I�ll have a little collection available for the unis if they need it � and if they don�t, then they�ll just be for me. *smiles*

I have about ten different short story ideas written down at the mo. One of them came to me about one o�clock in the morning when I was tryna sleep, as is the way. I managed to write it up on Thursday which meant the day wasn�t a total waste in the end. It came to exactly 499 words, and I know I need one of no more than 500 if the unis ask for it, so I�m settled on that score. I have noticed that pretty much everything I write has a really sad or morbid element to it though, I�m not even going to try and work out why that is. We�ve all got our styles and this one works for me.

I met the landlord for the first time on Thurs too. I�d intended to go to college, but when my alarm went off I realised my head was screaming at me and the obligatory cramps were back in full force, so I thought fuck it. I ignored my alarm, swallowed some ibuprofen and went back to sleep. Next thing I know there�s someone calling out from the stairs, so I skipped out in my pjs and ended up nattering away and making coffee for him and the hot South African rental agent. He seems alright like anyway.

Aside from the short story writing, I actually managed to chill out properly that day. Jane called and we had a good old natter, she read some of my work �cause I figured I needed to stop being chicken shit and start somewhere, and she really liked it! The bubble bath, burning incense and old Black Keys albums went a long way in contributing to my good mood I�m sure. Plus I succumbed to my inner child and watched a bunch of old X-Men cartoons � you know I only watch these on the odd chance I�ll come across Rogue and Gambit dialogue � what a sucker.

Hull Uni finally updated my UCAS � it says I need to get 45 points at Merit level to secure my place � I already have 30 at merit or above and there�s no way I�ll get less than a Merit on my extended research project which is worth 6, nor my portfolio which is worth 3, so once I have another 6 points I�m basically in! Now I need the other four to pull their fingers out and let me plan my future!

Okay okay, scratch the whole Tivi stuff (I wrote this in the early hours of the morning so this is like an update on an update). I ended up giving in and saying hello on Facebook chat, and after a few awkward pleasantries we were talking like normal again. And then I thought we might be weird at college the next day, but we just sort of fell back into our normal pattern of things. I�m so relieved � which is weird, �cause I honestly didn�t know I was tense over it all.

Me and Paul are still playing our little questions game on Facebook. It�s like twenty questions, only it�s never ending. I wish he still lived in Bedford so I could be spending some time with him next week.

I made the mistake of going into Oxfam Bookstore and Waterstones after college (again) and this was the result:

I still maintain that you can never own too many books. Really.

I think J was slightly traumatised by going in there with me and Shay though. He actually went and sat down and ordered us coffees in Waterstones. Obviously had enough.

My glass was real pretty too and i was all for stealing it - but there was some old biddies watching me so i had to leave it. Spoil sports. If you gotta pay that much money for a coffee you should at least get to keep the pretty filigree glass mug.

Anyhow, while i was snapping that, i thought i'd snap a picture of my crazy ass hair today. It's like a mane. Seriously. This doesn't really do it justice either. But i am super glad it's getting longer.

Yeah, i'm looking a little lost. Trying to figure something out - camera's up here sweets.

I'm so special. I fully admit to this.

Everytime i look at this one i start laughing again. Okay okay i gotta stop looking at it. What a moose.

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