I don�t know why this was in my head, it just was, and I felt like sharing *smiles*

About a week ago, I decided I was going to try and restrain myself when it came to updating this, but right now I�m thinking it doesn�t really matter how often I write in here, or even if what I�m writing is of any importance; it�s my place to do with what I please, surely?

Besides, today�today deserves its own special slot in the halls of recognition. A way to remember this feeling for the rest of my life, if you will. Because I cried today, and that wouldn�t really be of any sort of significance (lord knows I cry about the strangest things sometimes), except that I was crying �cause I was just so god damn happy; which for me, is a rarity.

Why was I crying? Well, hell. I might as well start right about the time I woke up. Lewis rang me about half ten, just for general chit chat, you know? Which, believe it or not, put me in the best frickin� mood ever. I miss my younger sibling something awful � as you�ll hear me say often enough in the next three years (get used to it, the feeling �ent going nowhere).

We jabbered on for a while, as you do, and I thought I�d check my emails at the same time. And what do ya know; I had a reply from Winchester about the application enquiry i sent off on Saturday. It told me that they were looking at my application today and would update my UCAS accordingly.

So of course I started shitting a brick, not realising my email would have quite that effect. Glancing at the other emails, considering this one was sent around half eight and it was nearing eleven now, I realised I had another important email�.this time from UCAS�letting me know something has changed on my applications.

If I wasn�t scared before, I was definitely terrified now; having my brother coaxing me on through the phone made all the feckin� difference in the world. That boy put up with my high pitched squeals and frequent exclamations of �oh my frickin� god� once I realised they�d made me an conditional offer, and he chuckled quietly when I started crying �cause I couldn�t believe I was getting exactly what I wanted.

Further shock came when I realised I only had to pass the course. Not do well, not excel in any particular subject or count a certain amount of grade points, just complete it and pass it. The first step of my dream has just been handed to me on a plate and I�m so feckin� happy, I don�t know what to do with myself.

It�s absurd, you know? Because I know for a fact I�m a bleedin� control freak, and having this big a part of my future so far out of my control has been painful, to say the least. But just knowing that I can plan away, that I know where I�m going and what I�m doing, and that I�ll have no regrets, has made my heart feel like it�s filled up with air and there�s no strings for me to worry about.

I�m a selfish bitch sometimes, but I honestly wish that everyone could feel the way I�m feeling right now. It�s the same way I felt when I was on that balcony, when I was sliding down that waterslide, when I was sitting on that bench and when I was swinging on that swing.

I have something amazing to look forward to, something fantastic to hope for still and something I know I can achieve; and I�ll be damned if I�m not going to do it my way, and do it feckin� superbly at that.

So I guess, considering I actually did pray for this (yeah, I know I�m an atheist, but sometimes you gotta resort to all kinds of fuckery to get what you want), I�m thinking I should say thank you to you God. Even if I�m back to proclaiming your inexistence tomorrow, if you do exist and you helped me get what I want, I owe ya one. Ta.

Anyway, the rest of my day was followed by a trip to the Central Resources Library with J, which might sound lame to many people, but it was heaven for me. We camped out in the History aisles, pulling random books down, supposedly hunting for stuff to help with our assignment, when in actual fact we were both just chilling. Libraries do that for me, you know? They�re just so god damn peaceful and shit.

Then we walked up and down every single aisle, pulling out random books and discussing Voltaire, Auguste Rodin and Dante, amongst others. I left with six books and a very satisfied smile. Next came MacDonald�s, chicken supreme anyone? Plus, we got Crunchie Mcflurries for free with our student cards; who can resist that shiz?

Next came J�s introduction to the world of True Blood and Grey�s Anatomy, and then the holy shit storm of giggles that is South Park (we watched the Crips episode, followed by the passion of Christ one and NAMBLA one � I think I nearly peed myself). I made us spag bol while we fucked with Chris�s head via text and now that he�s gone I�ve realised I haven�t even had any coffee today. No wonder my eyes are feeling heavy and I feel like calling it a night at ten pm. I�m gunna go remedy that right now and catch up with Smallville. I need me some superman shiz right now � he always keeps the mood right.

But seriously folks, sometimes good stuff happens to people that may or may not deserve it. I don�t know whether I do, but I sure as heck won�t waste the opportunity I�ve been given. I guess what I�m trying to say, is that�even when things suck really badly, and I mean really badly, it always gets better. Always. If you can believe that, like I do (even when I�m being a morbid shit), then you�ll probably be okay.

Creative Writing and Modern Liberal Arts BA at Winchester University - here i fuckin' come!