There are two things that I consider almost inevitable, when conversing casually with someone for the first time.

This is how they played out today.

�Your hair, you must use rags on it? How often do you do it?�

�Rags? Err no. This is my hair.� [What are we like in Victorian times or something?]

�That�s natural??�

�Yeah.�

*Confused look*

�My Dad�s mixed raced; it�s like afro-Caribbean hair.�

�Oh okay. You don�t look black.�

�That would be because I�m white.�

�But how do you get it so twirly?�

�I twist it when it�s wet.�

�So if I twisted mine then it might go like that.�

�Naw, your hair isn�t curly.�

God give me strength. Now for the second part.

�So, you said you came from Bedford.�

�Yup.�

�Where did you come from before then? You don�t have a Bedford accent.�

�Oh, London.�

�Where abouts?�

�North Wembley.�

�You don�t sound like you come from there either.�

*blank look*

Seriously people? If I say it�s real and that�s where I come from, just nod your head and get on with it. *rolls eyes*

So the lady in the residential home was kinda scary�.she was muttering swear words under her breath while tryna do stuff and I had to sit on a box in her office�hmmm. I did have a right giggle when I got out of there. It wasn�t easy to find either. I got off the bus in the village, saw the sign and thought I was there, only to find I had to walk up some long windy country lane before I came across it. It was a beautiful building though, and right next to a really pretty church and graveyard.

She said I�d hear from her tomorrow, and I don�t feel too bothered either way. I didn�t mess anything up at any rate. After I�ve heard, I�m going to decide where to go from there; just apply for another pile of jobs I suppose, and keep my fingers crossed.

I picked the worst day to wear ballet pumps though. All the way home I was grumbling about gangrene, much to J�s amusement. Why won�t it stop raining? It�s too cold to be raining all the time. I bought some custard donuts to have with coffee, and as soon as I got in I turned the heating on to max and grabbed two pairs of thick slipper socks. *sighs*

God Maths was a nightmare again. We�re on to Standard Deviation now�I really don�t like it, but it seems I can still do it, even if I�m not liking it. Six more weeks [including this one] and I�m done!

Mike made me �walk and talk� about Winchester after class. And in a way he sort of helped me put my fears aside with his interest. It�ll still be extremely funny if he manages to get on the course and I have to spend the next three years with him. But at least I wouldn�t be alone.

I checked out the modules and course load a little more last night and it didn�t seem as bad. I�m not thrilled about the presentations, but at least they�d be short [15 minutes]. These are the first few pieces of work I would have to do:

�Examine your own tastes in music with reference to Plato, Nietzsche and Bloom� (2,000 words)

Present the main points of a chapter or article of your choice, and submit a 500 word piece of writing that displays your wider reading around the topic. This piece will be used to provoke discussion of wider issues.

Using artwork by Banksy, present some of your own opinions regarding freedom in the world.

Illustrate the Ancient understanding of �harmony� using only the material from the pack of source material from weeks 2-6 (2,000 words)

Essay: What is a liberal arts education? (2,000 words)

Compare two views of freedom using only the texts from weeks 6-11 (2,000 words)

Although I�d be terrified to speak up [nothing�s gunna change in that department] the essays would be really interesting to write, and the topics for the presentations are at least intriguing. There�s a shy person in every class, I�ll be cool. Besides, there�s like four essays to two presentations, and this takes up a third of the year. And I keep forgetting I�ll only be doing half of it once I�ve chosen my modules, �cause I�m on a combined course [4 modules a year in each subject, 8 over all]. That�s like, three presentations a year tops It�s going to be hard to choose once I get to my second and third year � there�s like 20+ module choices in each subject.

I did learn that I can pick which topic to do my dissertation in; chances are I�ll be picking Creative Writing though. I was worrying myself all of yesterday and today, I even emailed Winchester asking if it was possible to switch courses if I find I don�t like it, but I think I�m worrying over nothing. I can get through pretty much anything if I coach myself properly, and I�m sure I�ll find a way to make it work. It�s going to be an interesting year, that�s for sure. And who knows, maybe my confidence about speaking up will gradually improve? *shrugs*

It�s funny to think I used to be too shy to ask someone in a supermarket where to find what I need, or smile at a stranger that�s caught my eye. Now I sometimes have whole conversations on the bus, or in the store, laughing and joking with total strangers. It happens. People change. Maybe I�ll change some more.

Apparently the History assignment isn�t due until next Friday, and so while I was fully prepared to start it today, I�m thinking I won�t bother until later on in the week, maybe Thursday. I have a ton of things I could be doing right now, like my washing and polishing, but it�s not happening. I�ve also banned myself from reading new fan fiction stories; I can only read updates on favourites. It�s turning into a really nasty time wasting obsession. Besides, I have more than enough books to keep me company.

I�m fully contemplating taking a nap right now. I had this urge to watch The O.C but it�s taking forever to download and bizarrely enough, this coffee has made me even drowsier.