Sometimes it really scares me how easily I adapt to change � how natural it all feels after only six weeks. It knocks my world off kilter for a while to acknowledge that some of the conceptions I hold about myself are just�wrong.

I used to see myself as a solitary being, someone who doesn�t need friends to be happy. Someone who�s perfectly content to be alone. But I don�t think that�s true. I think I have this big love of freedom and it causes me to cut people out and move on when it feels too constricted�but I thrive when I have good friends. I thrive when I have that balance between freedom and loyalty.

It�s as if all this time I�ve been slightly out of step with reality; with this life I�m leading. As if I did what I was supposed to do, and rebelled when it all felt wrong�but I never understood what was right for me. And now I�ve found it�this is it.

I feel as though I can just�just be, you know? I�m walking around the house today with knee high stripy socks, denim board shorts, a huge black fluffy jumper, my hair piled up in a huge mess and raccoon eyes � and I just don�t care! Bobby told me I look like a pirate, so I said �Arrrrrr!! Me hearty�s!� Because it just feels so normal. I just feel like everything has fallen into place and no matter what shit hits the fan in the future, I can just take pleasure in being myself.

I can be stupendously grumpy in the mornings. I can laugh at all the things that seem funny to me � even the highly inappropriate jokes. I can spend hours shopping for food with other people and not have them get impatient. I can write whatever craziness is in my head and be proud to call it my own. I can gossip and giggle and have sugar highs. I can talk to anyone I see, whether they know me or not, and make new friends. I can take chances and speak up for myself � being brave and taking risks. I can fall asleep in other people�s beds and not feel awkward. I can be trusted to proof read essays and give good advice. I can play scrabble and card games or spend the whole night dancing. I can cook awesome meals and share my food. I can have my mini obsessions with gorgeous guys and not be thought nutty. I can get amazingly drunk and talk gibberish. I can be a klutz and irresponsible and still seem safe. I can watch horror movies and hold my hands over my eyes. I can listen to my funky music at all hours without disturbing anyone. I can sit outside in my pyjamas with a mug of coffee and no one will bat an eye. I can go off on a tangent about poetry or Harry Potter. I can eat, sleep and breathe silly Rachaelness.

I can do whatever feels right for me. Being just me is okay�like no matter what happens I�ll still be able to make friends and there�s bound to be someone out there who accepts me. Maybe because I accept me? I dunno.

But�seriously� I�m so unbelievably glad I�ve made the friends I have. I�m so so relieved I love my courses as much as I do. And I feel like the next three years are going to be the most amazing years of my life so far.

Sometimes I think it�s the little things that make life worth living: Going up on my tippy toes to put mascara on Luke�s eyelashes. Cuddling up with Bobby to watch Eclipse. Finding Marvellous Mike when I�m absolutely pissed and getting a quick kiss. Making roast vegetables and not being able to stop eating them. Having someone read my short story and go away wanting to change their own. Dressing up like a vampirate and drinking cider all night long. Talking to random strangers while munching the most delicious pizza in the world. Getting a text from Luke �cause he�s found another Ryan (Gosling or Reynolds) movie. Getting a knock on my door in the morning from Bobby with a cup of tea. Finding a plastic sword and stealing it because you just don�t throw away good swords. Lounging on Luke�s bed and painting my nails bright pink. Having conversations with a naked Bobby through his window and stealing his plant. Carving a pumpkin with Luke. Dancing with a man on stilts and watching chainsaws with sparks. Throwing grapes through people�s windows with Bobby. Stacking Luke�s cider up to make a harvest tower. Power walking up a hill to half climb through Bobby�s window for my keys. Getting shocked by a ninja-like drunk Luke standing in my room. Having a quiz night and playing dirty bitch with a Bobby who always tries to control my cards. Deciding to do NaNoWriMo and coming up with a fuck awesome novel idea. Having the boys buy me chocolate and apple juice when I�m pmsing, �cause it�s one of the sweetest things ever. Running away from the security guy 'cause there's incense burning in my room. Being made to role play the gushing distracting gossip in FW class.

You know what? I could just keep going. Suffice it to say, I love life right now. I love these boys and I love what I�m doing. Gah�I�m like sickeningly happy.

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