2010-04-03 @ 9:08 p.m.
Loneliness
And i couldn't put my finger on the reasons why.
And then i read a facebook message this evening that tells me my ex is engaged.
The guy i spent four and a half years with, who showed no sign of ever upping his commitment to me, is now engaged to his girlfriend of what...six months?
And I feel awful.
I don't love him. I did at one point. But it was a long time ago.
I'm not jealous in the way people will think i am.
But i am jealous.
I'm jealous because i want my own person.
I want someone to love me enough to want to marry me. To spend the rest of their life with me no matter what.
I want to be adored and adore someone in return.
I take marriage seriously. Now more than ever.
I expect a lot from a partner, because i don't want to fall out of love like i have before.
I want to find that one person that makes my heart beat quicken every time i look at them.
That one man that infuriates me no end but that one man i'd not want to live without. Ever.
That man who shares my dreams and makes me want to raise his children.
That man who can share a peice of my soul for the first time in my life.
Now i'm scared it wont ever happen.
I'm scared i'll always be alone.
I'm just so scared.
And it really hurts.
<<ghosts []the mist>>
A shit load of contradictions, wrapped up neatly, with a nice pretty bow.
Reading. Writing. Zoos & Animal Parks. Bowling. Coffee Ice-cream. Blues Rock/Alternative/Indie Music. Fallen Angels. Wild Flowers. Pastrami. Vanilla Coke. Autumn. Harry Potter. Driving. Turquoise. Southern Comfort. Aviators. Semolina. Christmas. Museums. Dream Catchers. Roller Coasters. Tattoos. Winter Cider. Philosophy. Vintage Shops. Night time. Chinese Lanterns. Hoop earrings. Sci-Fi. Flowery Skirts. Mythical Creatures. Weeping Willows. Castles. Yankee Candles. Rainy Mornings. Ballet Pumps. Baking. Art Galleries. Long pendants. Quills and Ink. Spiced Rum. Libraries. Sleeping. Converse. Forests. Banana Milk. Venetian Masks. Poetry. Fireworks. US License Plates. Graveyards. Quotes. White Chocolate. Cats. Stars. Scrap Books. Shopping. Metallic Nail Varnish. Keepsakes. Phoenixes. Golden Grahams. Horror Movies. Tea (Esp. Rose Earl Grey). Lemonade Shower Gel. Travelling. Tragic Love. Piercings. Old Book & New Sponge Smells. Storms. Witty People. Cherries. Colourful Socks. American Dramas. Airports. Aston Martins. Hazelnut Lattes. Cowboys. Skeleton Keys. Cajun Chicken. Ivy. Dreams. Cinnamon Waffles. Old London. French Cheese. Trilby Hats. Antiques. Colourful Plasters. Postcards. Colourful paperclips. Bangles. Marvel & DC Comics. Key rings. Notebooks.
Dishonesty. Racism. Narrow-Mindedness. Idiocy. Unwarranted Violence. Neglective Parents. Bullying. Unearned Respect. Betrayal. Extreme Heat. Bright Lights. Sickness. Mushrooms & Olives. Alarm Clocks. Unfounded Jealousy. South African Accents. Celebrity Biographies. Suffocating Presences. Restrictions. Superficial people. Game playing. Routines.
Robert Frost Leather Bound Journal.
Small Vinyl Book Ends.
Astro Star Lamp.
designer
joy.deprived