I'm feeling so much...i just don't know how to put it into words.

That's got to be a first, surely.

I'm sitting in the kitchen baking vanilla cupcakes.

My first batch is out the oven, ready for the chocolate fudge frosting to go on.

They look seriously scrummy, but i'll have to wait until they've cooled down to see if the recipe actually worked.

Or rather, whether i made the recipe work or not.

I promised Tivi i'd bake some goodies so she could send them to her fella in Iraq, and apparently she needs them by friday.

I also need something yummy to take to the book group tomorrow...especially to compensate for the fact i may not have finished the book by then.

I have enough ingredients to bake some chocolate chunk cookies and a few snickerdoodles afterwards...but my vanilla and almond shortbread will have to wait until tomorrow arvo.

I keep forgetting to eat properly this week and my sleeping pattern is completely out of wack.

I tried to force myself to go to sleep around half 1 this morning, but it wasn't working, and then i had a sudden urge to read Atlas Shrugged.

I lay there contemplating in the dark for a while, before realising that if that was what i really wanted, who was i to deny myself something so simple if it means continued happiness.

So come 5.24am i figure it's about time to hit the hay - i've been skipping pages to read declarations of love for far too long.

And of course, my sleep didn't go undisturbed.

My Ma came back from Tenerife with her latest man and rang me around 8.30am to tell me how good a time she had.

I didn't resent her for it. I'm happy she had a nice time and she's found someone nice to spend her time with.

She asked me to ring her back after 12, so i gratefully succumbed to slumber for another 3 hours.

I rang her again then and talked for quite a while - she was amazed my work was still pursuing me and uttered a few curses their way.

I finally managed to get her off the phone around 12.45pm and legged it outside to catch the bus to college.

Chris (the frenemy) was on the bus too, so i wasn't the only one running late.

He's pretty funny is Chris, a bit too shallow sometimes, but definately cute and funny.

He's the only other student in the class who's planning on doing anything remotely related to english - journalism.

So the two of us moaned and moaned about how we felt we weren't learning anything new from Sara - pretty pathetic, but it formed a new sense of kinship at least.

He had me in hysterics before we got into class....we both ended up heading for the same chair too.

Though he was sweet and got me a spare one and we shared the desk.

Him and Jamie have bets between them - according to Chris i'm going to hook up with Jamie, and according to Jamie it's only a matter of time before i hook up with Chris.

I think they're both pretty mental to think i'm going to 'hook up' with either of them.

But i like having them around.

It's been three hours since i wrote the first part of this entry.

My cupcakes are okay...not delicious, but yummy enough.

My cookies are a wee bit crazy. I decided to use peppermint instead of vanilla...and chocolate chunks instead of chips.

The first batch went all crunchy cause i left them in there too long, but the second batch seemed okay.

I tasted one and it made me want peppermint tea.

So i'm sipping on some of that now.

One part of me thinks it's a waste of time doing all this cooking and baking...because although it may all look delicious, more often than not it's just about edible.

But i figure, i actually enjoy it, for some crazy unknown reason.

So why give up doing something i enjoy, especially if it harms noone?

Maybe that makes me a little bit silly. I don't really know, and i'm sort of beyond caring.

My cookies may not be fit for public consumption, but they were made with love.

In sociology i put some more of worries to rest.

Because i'd read over the handouts from the previous lesson, and forced myself to understand the different views, it meant i contributed to the class discussion effectively.

At one point i didn't shut up, i was pretty much flapping my hand in the air wanting to voice my thoughts on Marxism.

I think i also have Ayn Rand to thank for that.

I never thought it would happen - but her objectivist world is beautiful to me.

A world where the brilliant minds of society - the great inventors, contributers and businessmen - are the heroes.

Where a man's self worth is measured by his intelligence and his achievements.

Where everything is traded like for like - at it's correct value.

No favours or exploitation.

Where corrupt institutions like the government and the gannets of society have no say - no restrictions to place upon the extent of a man's brilliance and fortune.

I'd love to live in a world like that.

And if i was lucky enough to have just one man like Francisco, Hank or Galt fall in love with me...for my mind and the person i am, all i have to offer.

Then i would be ten times as lucky as Dagny Taggart.

Shay wasn't too pleased about my negative views on Marx.

I frankly told her that, although i can understand his message, it's one based on the assumption that a revolution is imminent and the working class are completely ignorant. Neither of which is true.

At least it makes for good discussion.

After class i went up to the LRC and found a few books on Sociology for my assignment - Jamie had to get one out for me though cause i'd taken a few out for Shay when she went over her limit.

Someone needs to remind me to stop doing favours.

I also found a bunch of journals that i photocopied - hopefully they'll yeild some helpful information.

I then photocopied my CV and walked around town asking about vacancies.

I don't know whether i'm just friendlier now or the city is a better place...but everyone seemed to be so nice.

Three of the girls i spoke to went into raptures about my bag, in seperate stores i might add, and another one about the glittery purple twigs i was carrying around (they're intended for the jug in my room, in place of flowers).

I'm seriously hoping one of them gets back to me - in the mean time, i have some phone calls to make tomorrow to put my mind at ease, in more ways than one.

Jamie caught the bus home with me and i promised him i'd check over his assignment when i got home.

I don't know why they all place so much faith in me sometimes, but it's nice.

I feel like i've gained a new perspective...over everything.

And i think i like it.

I no longer feel angry or vengeful.

I don't feel like i have to hide any part of who i am.

I feel like, one day, there's going to be someone who just understands me.

And i'll know that i'm spending the rest of my life with them - they won't even have to ask.