I tell you i'm involved in our little three year old brother's life and you get mad at me? You refuse to speak to me?

Is it 'cause i'm not involved in your life?

Because i tried. I tried to be your sister. So fucking much.

But you didn't try at all. You pushed me away and you let me down - time and time again.

What do you want from me?!

You're nearly 20 for Christ�s sake.

I know i'm your big sister. But you can't keep hurting me and think its okay.

I've always remembered birthdays and Christmases and i try taking an interest in your life.

But you make it so fucking hard.

I know i wasn't there for a lot of your life; but i'm only four years older and you know i couldn't help it.

You stopped seeing him first. It was me that had to put up with the bullshit and try to get through to him.

I took care of you when we were together. I always did. I was thirteen and i protected you from him as best i could.

I know you think i had a charmed life. But you never once asked me what it was like for me away from him, did you?!

You just saw the big house; the Mercedes' and all the pretty stuff in my room, and you hated me for it.

You hated that i grew up with another dad in the house and a little brother all to myself.

But you never asked me if it was as good as it seemed!

So don't take it out on me if our step mom doesn't want you around our little brother. It's not my fault.

If you behaved like an adult every now and then she wouldn't mind. She'd let you in.

Why could you never let me in?

You don't even like it when i talk to our big sister. What on earth is your problem?

Sara was never there for me, but i don't hold any hatred for her. She's still my sister. Just like you.

You can treat Lee and Jason like the big brothers they are, but you shut the rest of us out...why??

They were never there either.

Lee is just like dad. Just like him. Drugged and violent. And you fucking know it.

And Jason? He's full of hot air. Promises that never get kept. Lies upon lies.

They're just like him. They learnt from the best.

I'll always try to be your big sister. Even if you won't let me. This won't ever change.

Just stop being so angry at me all the time.