It shouldn't amuse me that one of my best friends (and someone that knows me as much as any person can) says that sometimes it's just too hard to get a read on me, too confusing to figure me out...but clearly it does.

Being a conundrum suits me well. *cackles wickedly*

It's just us girls in the house today. Zowie's off sick with conjunctivitis and is skyping away in her bedroom, and Charlotte and I have been lounging on the sofas drinking coffee and watching Teen Moms and My Sweet 16 for the past few hours.

You can tell we're bored out of our minds. We both decided to go back to bed - though i figure i'm pretty justified in doing this considering I�ve been awake since 4 and have been to work and back.

Speaking of work...i'm actually so tempted to quit right now. It�s so hard to figure out what to do � but this early morning shit is starting to feel like too much. I feel tightly coiled inside and it�s getting harder and harder to force myself out of bed at 4am. I hate feeling so disorientated (the meds are making me even more this way) and I hate having to creep around on my tiptoes in this god damn house with its super thin walls.

One part of me realises that I should just be totally frickin� grateful I have a job at all, especially when so many people don�t. And I know I need the money (pretty badly too) � but the other part of me that sees how much everything is suffering (like college and house work and my sanity and health) just thinks I should quit and focus on what�s more important.

I really don�t know what to do. If I could be guaranteed to get another job right away then I�d quit tomorrow�.but that�s not likely. It�s going to take some serious thinking about. Maybe this Saturday I�ll go into town and walk around all the shops to see if they�re hiring � and register at some agencies to see if they can help me out. Then when I have a clearer picture of what to do, maybe next Tuesday I�ll hand in my one week�s notice. Fingers crossed.

It�s sort of given me a happy boost to think I might not have to do this for much longer. It�s been a month already, and even though it�s gone pretty fast � my college work and healthy eating has gone down-hill even faster.

Bleurgh.

I still owe �250 on the rent. I�m an eejit � with a proclivity for buying rubbishy food when I�m in a bad mood (like paprika Walkers, Dr Pepper and Galaxy bars)�with money that should go on my rent. Really Rachael, why do you do this to yourself?! *sighs*

I have some delightful new paper-cuts on my knuckles � perfect � another reason I need another job. I also need to stop absentmindedly pulling on my lip stud with my teeth � it�s going to end up getting yanked right out if I carry on. Well maybe not quite that, but I�ll probably lose the spike by unknowingly unscrewing it (yet again).

I was all set to go into college and do my Psychology assignment and finish my Maths coursework tomorrow, but Tivi wants to do some revision. And, although I know I need to revise, I was kind of planning on leaving it until next weekend. But I�ve said she can come over now, so Psychology and Maths will have to wait until Wednesday, revision can come first, and then I�ll squeeze English in somehow. *rolls eyes*

I can�t wait for Greece. I just want to be somewhere beautiful and warm; where I can wake up in the morning and go swimming while it�s still quiet, and while the day away exploring little towns and reading a good book. Bring on May 30th I say.

I�m going to go have a nap and listen to a free CD I swiped from a music magazine. Finders� keepers and all that jazz.

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