I must remember to buy some red label tea bags before I go home, or just go to Sainsbury�s in London Colney when I have a spare bit of money. I haven�t been drinking coffee; I�m still not getting to sleep before 3am.

I digress.

All the anxiety hit me around 4am when i was finally starting to drift off, and i tossed and turned for the better part of six hours before finally giving up the ghost.

I lay sprawled diagonally across Ma's bed for a little while, trying to think myself through it all.

In the end i decided to ask Ma for help when she got home...and she said she'd see what she could do.

So i'm optimistic and de-stressed again. I know she'll do her best to help me; i never used to know that, but i do now.

It doesn't seem to take a lot to lift my shitty moods these days. Bonus.

As penance she made me polish the whole house and hoover the living room...AND clean my brother's bedroom.

Teenage boy's rooms are disgusting. Does he like have something alive under his bed or something? Ugh.

I hopped on the hourly [downside to living in a village without a car] bus into Bedford earlier to meet up with Grams for a bit of lunch. I miss being able to do that whenever I want.

Bought some cards in a super cheap card shop - totally forgot Mother�s Day is in another month - jeez. All these birthdays and what not are going to totally kill me.

It's Lisha's 17th next Friday, Lew's 17th in four weeks and then it's Becky's 25th and Mother's day on the 3rd. I'm pretty sure Lorna's birthday is in the beginning of April too. Oh and Mandy's is on the 4th.

No respite. At least I don�t have to bother with Father�s day.

Well anyway...when i worked out my finances for Uni yesterday, it looks like everything is do-able...except i don't think it's wise to pay for Tai Chi, French AND Photography in my first year.

So i figured Tai Chi is a must...it's either that or the gym, and I reckon I�ll be sick of the gym by the end of summer, so i'm picking the fun one.

And French might take me a long time to finish, so i'm thinking the sooner i start that, the better.

It's just Photography that's not urgent. I still plan on getting my camera this summer, but unless i manage to get the AAA on top of the other funding, I�ll just teach myself to use it until i can pick it up in my second year.

But, if i get the AAA, then it's game on!

I think I�ll go check out local college courses actually - get a heads up on the situation.

It's not like i haven't already checked out local supermarkets, bus routes, train routes, night life, libraries, shops, restaurants, cinemas and theatres.

*grins*

Or maybe online/distance courses for French and Photography would be best � I think I might have a pretty tight schedule with Uni, work and everything else I�ve decided to pick up. Distance courses are perfect for fitting stuff in when you can.

Winchester is officially less than half the size of Bedford. That's crazy. I can't go anywhere in Bedford without recognising people...what's it going to be like in W?

Anyway, while i was with Grams she dragged me into some charity shops, as she does, and i managed to find three books at only 50p a pop!

The first was The Wit & Wisdom of Movies, which is full of interesting quotes from films; i am a quote whore after all.

The second was Yann Martel's Life of Pi - i'm pretty sure i meant to buy this a while ago - well i have it now.

And the third was a big 'How to' manual on everything to do with digital cameras - kismet.

I get so happy when i come across bargains like this - even more so when they look brand new like these did.

Thank god for charity shops and their ability to make me smile.

Another stroke of luck today came in the form of some missing mail. While i was tidying downstairs i came across a letter addressed to me from my pen pal...dated January 6th.

She probably thinks i can't be bothered to write back, but i will, a stupendously long one at that. I don't know how long it takes mail to get to Idaho, but i'm guessing she'll be getting her reply around two months after she sent out hers. Oh well.

We watched a couple of American movies last night, I point out their �American� origins, even though everything I watch is American [near enough], because of the appalling representations they have of British people. I mean, really?

We either look like total council flat chavs [you know, the ones that scream at their kids in the supermarket and on the bus �cause they�re too busy chatting on their phone to see what their kids need, and walk around with trade mark tramp stamps, jogging bottoms, hoodies, gelled pony tails and eyebrow piercings] or we look like complete toffs! What happened to the good old middle class?

Don�t even get me started on the voices. Some of us know how to pronounce our words properly without sounding like we were born with a silver spoon in our gobs. And some of us don�t say �innit� and �safe� in every frickin� sentence. Stereotypes huh. I shouldn�t be surprised, every nation stereotypes one and other� we either see through rose tinted glasses or we look down our noses on them.

But is that really how people see the British?

I turned on the TV earlier, and dya know what was on? Benidorm. It�s so not funny, it�s physically painful. My brother just laughed, but really, what�s so funny about the fact there really are people like that out there? And they�re in every town. Every city. Soon it�ll be every village too.

Looking like oompa lumpas with their freakishly orange skin and stupid ass side pony tails. The crazy music, boy racer cars and attitudes to boot. God. It makes me feel ashamed. I�m not patriotic, I never have been, you know? But I hate when the British get represented as hooligans and just plain old scum. *shivers*

And that�s not to say that I�m a perfect representation of the British nation; kind of far from it. I have my ghetto moments with my flashy chained hoops and jungle music, along with my �Goth� and �emo� moments with the black clothing, moody music and eyeliner � but if you wanna talk stereotypes, then indie me up baby. I�m a bohemian indie chick, if you feel so inclined. Whatever. But anything is better than chavvy. Seriously.

I need to score some Mary J and forget that half of this stupid ass country is cracked. That I do.

For now? Sleep. Sleep then Winchester.